What is sacred to you?
On our journeys to adulthood, many of us lose sight of what we most value. We devote our energy to fitting into society’s standards of what we should want. But when we do that, we live out of alignment–with our desires, with our goals, and with our highest selves.
In today’s episode, I’m chatting with Tara-Nicholle Kirke about defining and protecting what is most sacred to you.
In her work as a breakthrough coach, Tara has spoken with hundreds of high-powered people stuck in negative, limiting habits. She has witnessed the damage that fear, worry, and internalized oppression can do to even the most vibrant individuals.
But Tara has also witnessed the transformation that arises when you define what you truly want and protect it at all costs.
Join us in today’s episode as we discuss the power of sacred rituals and uncovering your true desires. Tara explains how you can train yourself into more positive thought patterns and how to rely on your own intuition.
Listen to episode 371 now!
In episode 371 of the Embodied Podcast we discuss:
- [4:09] The beautiful chance encounter that brought Elizabeth and Tara together
- [10:32] Practicing leaning into fear when others might run away from it
- [13:04] Parental fears and worries and what it’s like being on the giving and receiving ends
- [16:30] Training positive thought habits and deconstructing negative ones
- [22:14] Habits vs. rituals and how each plays a role in our lives
- [26:49] Activism through individual expression and taking up space for your dreams and goals
- [33:01] Damaging disciplines that preach rewards without sacredness
- [36:25] Setting boundaries and practicing the skill of keeping them
- [39:01] Why ‘time in the field’ is necessary to reaching certain growth and awakenings
- [48:20] What ‘sovereignty’ really means and how the true meaning has been altered online
- [54:21] Listening to your own soul instead of defaulting to others’ visions and intuition
Resources mentioned by Tara and Elizabeth in the episode:
- Visit Tara’s website, SoulTour.com
- Sign up for her weekly newsletter
- The Complete Works of Florence Scovel-Shinn
- Apply for my 2022 Embodied Specialist Training
- Join The Embodied Living Center.
- Email us with questions or feedback.
- Don’t miss an episode of The Embodied Podcast.
Quote from this Week’s Episode of the Embodied Podcast:
“Don’t keep speaking. The worries. They are curses. We are spell casters. Our words do matter.” – Tara
“Habit does get to be autopilot, whereas ritual is sacred every time you do it.” – Tara
How was this episode for you?
Was this episode helpful for you today? I’d love to know what quote or lesson touched your soul. Let me know in the comments below OR share the episode on Instagram, tag me your stories @elizabethdialto, or send me a DM!
About the Embodied Podcast with Elizabeth DiAlto
Since 2013 I’ve been developing a body of work that helps women embody self-love, healing, and wholeness. We do this by focusing on the four levels of consciousness – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.
In practical terms, this looks like exploring tools and practices to help you tune into the deep wisdom of the body and the knowing of the heart, which I believe are gateways to our souls. Then we cultivate a new relationship with our minds that allows the mind to serve this wisdom and knowledge and soul connection, rather than override it, which is what many of us were taught.
If you’ve been doing self-help or spiritual development work for a while, these are the types of foundational things that often people overlook in pursuit of fancier concepts that often aren’t practical or sustainable. Here, we will focus on building these strong foundations so you can honestly and thoroughly embody self-love. If you’re feeling it, subscribe to the show, and leave us a review wherever you listen from. You can also keep up with show updates and community discussion on Instagram here.
Transcripts for Episode 371:
– What’s up everybody? Welcome to episode number 371 of the podcast. Today, we have a dear friend of mine, Tara-Nicholle Kirke with us. And this is a really dynamic woman. I’d love to tell you this woman does just one thing, she does not, but what we homed in on today, what we really focused on was different attitudes about liberation, about prosperity, about how it is that you conduct yourself, you and your life, how you face and deal with and move through and confront your fears. Tara is someone we have such a fun story about how we met, and we share it right in the beginning of the podcast, but she’s someone who I just… She’s deeply spiritual, but she’s deeply practical. And that’s my favorite combination. And just the way she conducts her life, the way she embodies her success, the way she writes, the way she speaks, her context for so many different things is just so inspiring, but also in my experience so easy to execute. Like it’s motivational in the sense that you hear it and you’re like, oh, it’s really not that hard even though it might be challenging. You know how sometimes people say simple but not easy. I find Tara’s deep and very, very wise approach to so many things that we talk about on the podcast all the time to be just that simple but not easy. So if you’re willing to step up and listen and influent and integrate some of the things she talks about here, I mean, you could just amplify your success in so many areas of your life relatively quickly. So I hope you enjoy this episode of the Show Notes or at untameyourself.com/371, and that’s it, share it up, use it as a conversation piece with friends, family, other people in your life, connect with Tara and let’s get into the show. Okay, we’re recording. You say Tara or Tora? I’ve never… I think .
– Tara. I say Tara.
– I thought so, that’s how I naturally say your name. I don’t think I’ve ever actually had to say it out loud to you before.
– And you know I changed my name, right? So it’s Tara-Nicholle Kirke.
– Which I love. And I love the back story. Everyone listening, welcome to my friends, Tara-Nicholle Kirke, who… I need to tell them how we met.
– Really quickly. I had just moved to Oakland, and I was nursing a broken heart because I had ended a relationship with a man in Los Angeles who had a little two year old, and I loved that baby. I loved the baby more than I loved him if I’m really honest. And so I’m sitting on this bench, and you know what? I don’t know if I told you this. I had gone… I bought some plants from some people on Facebook marketplace. And my GPS was sending me back to where I lived. But at the light, I saw a sign for a park I hadn’t been to. That’s Temescal park, right?
– And it was left someone like the left lane to turn left, to go home, but I see the sign and I’m like, “Oh, there’s a park.” Pull it all, crossed the lane, my east coast driving skills, right? So I’m like, let me go to this park real quick. So I go to this park and I get there and the on the water, there’s algae the pond is kind of gross, but I’m like whatever. And I find this bench to sit on which is actually a tree. And I’m like, yes, I need to go put my on that tree. And the minute I sit down, I see this little kid come bounding around a corner. And the energy was similar to the baby that I had just loved so much. And I’m sitting there and I just start crying. And like the moment I started crying, this child makes a beeline for me, and I’m like, God, you stop it right now. And so this child comes running up to me and it was London and London is Tara’s. And I don’t know your granddaughter daughter. And so when she comes up and she starts like crawling up, like basically, and it’s COVID time so I have a mask on and I’m real boundaried and we’re in the Bay area. So I’m like looking at you and I’m like, is this okay? I got my mask on, and you’re like, it’s fine. But also Tara is wrangling London, the dog, and a scooter.
– Trying to.
– Trying to, and then I was like, what’s your name? And so I hung out with London for a little while. And then you were trying to like, make your way back to the car. And I’m like, “Can I carry something? “Why don’t I walk with you?” And you were like, “Sure.” So then we’re talking London falls like, here you hold the dog, it was instant like I got you, what do you need? I love this person, I love this one. But then here’s, what’s funny, we didn’t like fully introduced ourselves. We didn’t like exchange numbers or anything. The next day I’m talking to my friend Monisha who’s been on the podcast a couple of years ago. And I’m like, “Oh my God, you’ll never guess what happened. “This little kid totally reminded me of this baby “that I love.” And, and Monisha was like, “I know London. “Tara is a close friend of mine.” And I was like, “Get the out of here.” Because I was like, I was actually sad. I was like, well, what a beautiful moment. And I didn’t feel like I needed to be like, “Hey, should we be friends?” I didn’t need to, it was so… Like we were meant to be in each other’s lives. And then what was so funny is we never… We hadn’t really like made effort to hang out at Monisha’s. And we would just bump into each other at the farmer’s market, like every couple of weeks. And I was like, “I don’t need to even call her. “I just summoned her with my heart and there she.”
– And here we are. I mean, it was such a funny experience because London, having London, being London’s steward, being a steward of this little being, big being.
– I was gonna say the same thing. Maybe . But there was nothing little about London.
– Yeah, during COVID has been such a wild blessing. Literally wild and blessing. And then London is like she doesn’t know these. What’s your rules for social, blah, blah. And I have like made, like London has not heard the word COVID, does not know what this is. I have not told her anything about this.
– She knows we’re supposed to wear masks. She has to wear a mask at daycare. She knows a couple of things, but I haven’t been that parent. Like, you gotta like back off and don’t talk to whatever. So the whole time we would go out to tennis ball and she would randomly just walk up to people and be like, “Hi, what’s your name? “What’s your dad’s name? “What’s your dog’s name? “You don’t have a dog? “Why don’t you have a dog?” Like she knows all in their business. And usually I was like, “Okay London, let’s come on. “Let’s keep it moving.” And that particular time I felt like she was so in your space. And I was like, oh gosh, and then she wouldn’t leave.
– She wouldn’t leave. That was the other thing, she wouldn’t say.
– She was like, she just… So London kind of picks people.
– And London has impeccable judgment . You know what I’m saying? So it’s totally wild and I remember like telling my friends, oh my gosh, we had this experience. But it was like really sweet and then it was like this lady walks us to our car and I’m like, oh my gosh, it actually was helpful ’cause I don’t know how it’s gonna get there. I’m glad she did .
– go to the bathroom, there was so many things happening.
– So much stuff. Then I get a call from Monisha, who was like, “Hey, did you see the lady named Elizabeth?” And I was kind of like, I’m like, yeah, actually it’s just like really cool chick, she was new to town. And she was like, “Yeah, I know.” She is, that’s my friend she’s like here. So cut to a few months later, I was sharing with you when we were talking before about going to Mexico. So I was in Mexico visiting, and just like learning about this particular area I was in, in the Yucatan learning about what their indigenous cultures were about and what they did and what was important there. And it was a sweat lodge. A lot of their sacred ritual culture was around sweat lodges and they called their sweat lodges, Temazcals.
– No way.
– It is like where the word Temazcal which is all over Oakland, that lake is called Temazcal. The neighborhood that you lived in.
– That’s right, yeah.
– That is, comes from that.
– They actually understood that was like a big practice of the indigenous peoples here. So Temazcal with a Z instead of with S is the Anglo version. How’s that for full circle?
– Amazing, it’s amazing. So you and I were catching up before I hit record and we started talking about fear and then we were like, “Yeah, we got to hit the record button.”
– So, you saw what I’m sharing with Tara everybody listening and some of you know this about me, especially if you’re in the embodied living center is, I call myself a freak in no kind of derogatory way, just as like being an outlier. I don’t have the experience of fear that a lot of people have. Like, I don’t get stuck up in fear, like the way I’m built, I just very naturally I’m like, “Oh, that’s terrifying. “I should probably lean into it.”
– That, that part.
– We were? Which I don’t think that’s always appropriate for everybody. But for me it’s always like, oh, if I’m really scared of that, I probably need to go do it. Or if there’s something I’m really inspired to do, and it brings up some fear I’m like, it’s cool, I fear. You’re just gonna come with me ’cause we’re doing this. Like to be able to see it, look at it, face it, and like go forward anyway is kind of just literally how I’ve always been and I know that is not most people’s relationship.
– Definitely not, but I think I have a similar either wiring or training. I think actually early in my life I just didn’t feel, and I still don’t. I don’t feel fear about the same things that other people do.
– But I do think that like overall lifetime and I noticed actually like in the last year or so, especially like as you experienced trauma and you maybe work on a bunch of your trauma, but then there’s new trauma that’s happening, right? Like I definitely saw where there were areas I had been much more cautious than I would have been, earlier in my life that I think was like trauma based fear. But I’m fortunate to have had like teachers since before I was born, including Dave Rico, whose book you were about to talk, share something about before we were like, let’s hit record, we’ve got to capture this conversation.
– That is now.
– But Dave Rico gave me the frame that all fear is an integrated excitement. And way to integrate it is to wholeheartedly engage with whatever the subject of that fear is. So, I think like for me, early in life, other people were afraid where I probably… For me, where I maybe should have been but wasn’t, and that was always a signal to me. Like, I’m gonna go do that. I’m gonna do that. I’m gonna do that, and I think now I can integrate all of those pieces and hold them all within me.
– Totally, my family is very fearful. Like whenever you bring something up to them, they will start to list out all the reasons why we should be worried about it, afraid of it. Like things we need to look out for, cautious, all that stuff.
– I call it love through worrying. Love by worrying.
– Totally, and I’m like, these people really love the out of me, but I can’t, I just can’t with that stuff. And I’m like, that’s cool but here I go. And I’ve trained my mom, because my mom’s the big warrior for years. I trained my mom. As soon as I got… As I started to get more into energy work, I did my first Reiki to mint and I really started… I was just studying energy much more deeply. And I was like, here’s the thing, worrying is like praying for what you don’t want. I’m like, so whenever you’re afraid for me, whenever you’re worrying about me, please say a prayer instead. I’m like, I do not need you surrounding me with the energy of your fear and your worry but please pray. Send me angels, just see me like enveloped in this whatever color light send love as God, as Pope to protect me.
– That’s impressing. And don’t keep speaking the worries. It is, they are curses. We are a spell casters, our words do matter, right? So what’s funny is like, so now that I’ve got London, I’ve been noticing a lot of… I think London has been such a teacher for me in like 50 ways, including that I had had kids out of my house for like 10 years before London came to me. And many of the people that I teach are moms like with young kids in home right now. So it was like really helpful for me to like see what their experience of trying to do the ritual that I was teaching them to do or whatever is when you have little kids at home. And it was also fascinating to see how immediately, like this culture is collective unconscious shadows around maternal guilt start to pop up. Like should this child was in my custody roughly 36 hours before I started feeling guilty. And I was like but for realtor, ’cause like you can’t even possibly have negatively impacted her in any way in this period of time. So, that’s fascinating.
– Yes, and the fear for your children. And so I have a thing and I was telling a friend about it. I have a thing where if I have an unbidden fear thought about London pop to mind, I have a discipline around immediately like imaging, some the most radically liberated, joyful image of her as an adult that I can come up with.
– I love that.
– And my friend was like, she doesn’t have children, but she’s like very, very thoughtful about parenting related issues as part of her work. And she was like, you know it’s not fair for us to impose our expectations for our children on them. And I’m like, oh yeah, but this isn’t even about that. This isn’t even for her. This is like… And I’m like good at, I random, it’s like a randomized at a random lecture in my mind. So sometimes it’s like her as an adult surfing on the water in the waves. Sometimes it’s her as an adult, as like the co president of a film studio. It’s like her as an adult, you know what I mean? It’s all these different things, I don’t care what it is. What the specific of it doesn’t matter, just so long as it’s her well and radically liberated, just doing whatever she feels like doing that makes her, that lights her up. It makes her feel good, to sort of cancel out and these thoughts are… We have thoughts habits. It is our responsibility to train them, even if the unfortunate events or sometimes in serious events that trained the negative thought, the fear thought are not our fault or maybe we’re even came from like toxic culture, trauma, whatever. It’s only us who can like kind of take control and like start to train the opposite thought habit. So that’s what I do.
– So, love this and I know that some people are gonna hear that and be like, “Well, isn’t that a spiritual bypass?” Can you please speak to why it’s not.
– It’s ness… I mean, I can not be victim to my own thoughts. I have to seize the responsibility for it. I also am a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down believer in the shadowy is to have the shadow work. You got to go there, so what I think is spiritual bypassing is when you hear the loving, I call it the love of Mike brigade. When you hear the love and light brigade, be like, you got it, you have to control your thoughts. You can only… You always have to. You create your reality by the thoughts that you think. Don’t try to get to the bottom of your negative thoughts. You can’t get to the bottom. You kind of can, I think you can. I think you actually need to. Like, there is a part and I lived like that for a long time, just because it’s my wiring. It’s all of our wiring to want to feel good. It was all my wiring was like a young person is several things. One is the trauma experienced in my very early life was so, so severe that I needed to dissociation was actually a real as survival strategy for real. And for survival sake, that’s what I did and that’s what I needed to do. And while my children were young, that’s just what I needed to do. And then there comes a time in your life where you like, you will always, whatever is in your shadows, meaning whatever are the subjects and the thoughts you most avoid will be the most active in your life. It will like you can’t get away from it. You will continue to remarry the guy that’s just like the parent that abused you. You will be able to… It is just that. And so when you hear on these audios of these the love and light only folk, the students being like, “But I have the fear and I can’t seem to get around it.” And they’re just like, “Well, you can’t get “to the bottom of it.” Why do you… Just think about our thought, just think about our thoughts. Sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you can’t, you know what I mean? Especially, if it’s like rooted in trauma. And sometimes you may not even remember the trauma in which it is rooted in and maybe you’ll never remember. You don’t even have to remember it to do the work on it. So I had to go there. I had to like grieve what little Tara lost. I had mourn for young and I mean, literally actual young child, Tara. I had to broke her agreements and negotiate truces. Negotiate support treaties between grown-ass 45 year old Tara and seven-year-old Tara. I had to speak the freaking truth and to myself and about myself. I had to like, including the truth. My parents are both alive right now today and well, and in my life and they were wonderful and they were abusive and they were brilliant and they were nuts. And all of that shit is true. So like spiritual bypassing doesn’t do that, right? It’s spiritual bypassing is like child only 11 like. So this is a little more about like it’s all… What’s the right word, it’s a comprehensive, like
– It’s a discipline earlier. And I feel like this is a discipline. You need discipline for it and it is a discipline. And that’s actually something that I’ve been working with a lot lately because I’ve had some really great humbling things in the last like six months come up and been like, okay, great. Like I’m going to need to change. And I know you do a lot with behavior change and habit change and stuff like that. And I wanna talk about that, I got to shift some habits. I had to shift some behaviors, being really isolated during the pandemic was just… It got heavy for me. And I was depressed I think the first time in my life, other than I’ve been through breakups and stuff where I’ve been grieving.
– And there’s like a depression that comes with grieving, but that’s different. I was like, kind of in it in a way I never had been before where I could string days together and wake up feeling like shit. And I had never had that experience before. I know some people listening are like welcome to my life bitch. And what I love about that is sometimes just as a sidebar, I feel like life brings me through experiences so I can have so much more compassion and understanding.
– Oh my Gosh.
– Not like, I mean, I would have had compassion anyway, but when you experienced something, you have a different access to deeper compassion. So like get that on a level I never got it before but damn like super humbling. But being here even just being in Miami, there’s a reason I was called here. One of them is like, the environment holds me here. I don’t have to be isolated here the way I was there. And it’s like, okay, so now I have access to things and I’m looking around, I gotta make some changes.
– Yeah, and I mean, some is about… A lot is about habit. ‘Cause we get into habits pretty easily. There’s always a payoff to our habits. Like even the ones that we really need want to break. There’s always a payoff so I find it to be like helpful. I find just actually awareness of what our habits actually is hugely helpful ’cause so often we’re just kind of on autopilot with respect to them. But then I’m also like I’m a big, I think like every day of life is it’s like church through the lens of just like there’s so… So many things are asking us to deem them sacred and to experience them as sacred, and we get to do that. And so it’s funny that some of the things that my friends know that I’ve been doing for 20 years every day, or whatever, 11 years, every day. They think of as habit and I think of it as ritual, right? And the difference is the sacred part. The difference is, this habit used it does get to be like autopilot. Whereas ritual is like secret every time you do it.
– Okay, I love this. You’re giving me an aha, because one of the things that I’ve been doing as a ritual-
– Is go outside and move my body in the morning.
– Whatever, it doesn’t matter what I do. It’s not like I have to go to the gym after this. Today is yoga, whatever, I’m like, go outside, be in the sun, move your body sometimes I’m swimming in the pool, sometimes I’m going to the beach. Sometimes I’m just going for a walk for a couple of blocks, ride my bike, go to the gym, like it doesn’t matter, I have to go outside in the morning. ‘Cause it’s like my relationship, I’m having a whole love affair with the sky and the sun since I got here, and that’s actually what it’s about. I need to go and let the sun beat on my body and also be moving my body.
– And it’s like literally nutritional.
– Right? Like there are chemical reactions on your skin nourishing you. Yeah, I love that. And that’s not habit, ’cause like the habit would be if you just go to the gym on autopilot every day and you’re in there and you’re like, “Hmm, I don’t even know how I got here but I’m here” And that’s good. That’s good I don’t mean to like slight habits, good habits are great and important. But the ritual is like, oh, I need to commune with the sun on an everyday basis in a movement kind of way.
– Right, it’s like-
– But there’s the communion, the sacredness, I’m communing with the sun, I’m communing with myself, I’m communing with my soul, hanging out with God, goddess, whatever I believe in.
– Right, and that’s actually how I ask people to think about shifting and changing and transforming your habits. It’s like, how can you make the thing, the new thing, the new quote, unquote habit you’re creating. How can you make it be that delicious to you? How can you make it feel like this woman Tara Moore talks about like setting your goals is like gifts. How can you make it feel like a gift you’re giving to yourself. Like over and over and over and over. And I’m like big on, I think in our cultures, scarcity, trance, lie.
– I like that calling you to trance that’s real.
– The freaking trance and every… So many people are participating, that it seems real, but that is not true. There is plenty on this planet for every single body that has ever been on this planet and ever will come onto this planet that period. But the trance of scarcity creates this feeling of competition for resources that feeds all the toxic power structure. So like that’s beneficial to them to keep that light going. So in the opposite part of breaking that trance of scarcity or waking up from it in our own minds is being very, very, very, very lavish with ourselves.
– Which I think is a lot about what you… I think that’s a lot of what you do.
– Yeah, so being lavished with ourselves in all these different ways, including how we move our bodies and how we allow ourselves to move our bodies, including what we put in on and around our bodies, right? Including like the way, including how much we charge, if we are in business, including who we do and don’t work with. Including the time we do or don’t give to ourselves, right?
– And things and thought all that, yes. And I love to use the word lavish. This is one of my favorite fricking words.
– The best.
– And because… And this is what I love about embodiment and sensuality so much. It’s so lavish but it doesn’t have to cost a dime.
– Doesn’t have to. It doesn’t have to, although cool if it does, but it doesn’t.
– There’s nothing wrong with that either. But truly like the richest moments, the most lavish moments in my life are when I feel like that divine moving through me and I’m like, oh yes we are. This is real, we are connected this mystery is real. I can’t explain it to you, but this is the best fucking feeling.
– And like not constricting, constraining, restricting how you even allow your own body to like be or move or look or feel. ‘Cause like that to me is the most… One of the things I specialize in doing is helping people be friend and transform their inner critic. And that sounds like very individual work, but this is like activism to me. I believe that the internalized oppression let’s call it that. That shows up in the form of our individual inner critics, is like the single largest oppressive force and most insidious oppressive force on this planet. Because it stops people from even moving their own bodies, it stops people from even allowing themselves to want what they really want. I truly work with women who are like bad-ass is in huge companies who cannot even let themselves voice that they want what they really want. So they setting these goals and they’re not getting there. And then when I show up, I’m like, “Hi, it’s really apparent to me that you don’t even “give a shit about that.” Not even your goal. That’s like your grandma’s goal. You don’t even need to set that goal.
– We need just pause on this for a second. ‘Cause I want people to hear this because this is also something I’ve been saying for years. If you consistently like failing and I’m putting that in air quotes for anyone who’s listening, if you’re setting a goal, if you’re not hitting it, if you have a dream and it’s not coming to fruition might not be your dream.
– Oh, there .
– This might not be in alignment for you.
– And like, so why? So it’s funny because people know the Simon Sinek work on starting with your why.
– And he teaches a lot about identifying your why as like the way to put motivation behind what you’re doing. And I’m like, cool, but also identify your why ’cause you may not have a why for that goal. It might not be your goal. And like, you may not so literally. I’m like, what are you… You may just not give a shit and-
– You are like, so why? So you can actually see if that’s even some shit that you want.
– Even some shit you want, and then you may decide that it’s not what you want. And when you get to what your real value is really, really is, really, really care about. I know for me for a long time, I wasn’t motivated to make more money because I already live kind of a bad-ass life. I didn’t need any more money than I’d had to live pretty much exactly how I wanted to live, right? And then like the baby came and like I decided I wanted houses in multiple countries. You know what I mean? And I decided I actually am kind of a bushy country club chick. And then I was like, oh, well, that’s my motivation. You know what I mean, mostly so I can spend all a ton of time with this, like child helping her learn how to wield her super powers, like freedom and stuff. And so that stuff was much more motivating to me than like just some number you set ’cause somebody said you should set, who cares?
– Quick break in the show, everybody to let you know, the applications are open for my 2022 embodiment specialist training. I am so excited about this training. It is like seven or eight years in the making. It is expanded beyond what was wild or movement teacher training since 2016. And this is a really, for anybody who feels the pull to graduate from doing basic level self-help personal development and spiritual work and truly embody self-love healing and wholeness. So they can live soulful and soul centered lives that contribute to collective healing and liberation, as well as people who are wanting to really integrate the light and the dark who place a high value on kindness, generosity, integrity, humility, and reverence who know that while we receive all kinds of gifts and talents and genius, we are the instruments, not the players. This is for people who wanna prioritize embodying their divine nature in order to serve the human experience as well for those who would like to incorporate vitamin work into their professional lives in some way, shape or form, or just deepen their own practice. So if you wanna learn more about the training, which starts in February of 2022, head to untameyourself.com/specialist. There are some dates by which to apply if you need an extended payment plans, we have a couple of different extended payment plans, and it’s just gonna be an incredible all chemical transformative experience. It’s gonna be a small intimate group, ’cause I will also be mentoring and working with everyone one-on-one throughout the 13 months of the training. So again, really deep, really beautiful, really incredible experience. If you are interested, go to untameyourself.com/specialist, and I will be so excited to receive your application if you decide to submit one. I don’t know, I don’t remember when this interview was going live, but if enrollment is still open, I am running an embodiment specialist training next year. And one of the things that I’m excited about in this training is to help people get through their money and their money shit and their money dramas. Because this for me in a business and relationship to prosperity capacity we talked earlier about spiritual bypass and 11 light brigade. And a lot of that is also just like the straight up law of attraction people. That just fucked me up for a number of years.
– Girl. Like stop saying these things.
– I know, it was bad. But here’s the thing. Once I stopped-
– Without the disciplines. Without all the other-
– Not all of this other stuff.
– Not the synchronous, who did I hear? It was Carolyn Mace recently. She called it, it’s like spiritual, not even spiritual materialism, but spiritual like go shopping with your spiritual lists. Like here is this spirituality we’re your material. I forget exactly how she said it, but it’s like, it’s really just meant to help you acquire all these material things that like, you don’t even know why, there’s no .
– Which is important because if you do it the old school way, the old school, like Florence Scovel Shinn kind of way.
– Yes, Fosco.
– Fosco, but Fosco will have you Jack yourself up first if you got that needs to get jacked up first ’cause she’ll have like, ’cause you declared, once you declared divine order is now established in my mind, my body and my fingers. And I always add, I’m like in my bank account, in my like no dependence, whatever, it’s like on my mind right now, my client list, my whatever, right? That’s an alignment technology, and it works like anything that’s not in alignment. We’ll get real frictiony, and remember what… It may feel like somebody made, you might have a breakup, you might lose a job. You know what I mean? Whatever has to happen for divine order to be established will happen. And sometimes the more rapid those quantum leaps that people think they want, you might do better to work on that stuff over like decades. The quantum leaps are not. I’ve had them at various points. They’re painful and that’s okay if you’re up for it. And you are, if you have one and it’s like that, then you are up for it. ‘Cause that’s just how it works. But often those eras feel like crisis and feel like loss before they feel like alignment.
– Yes, this is what I’m saying for the years that I spent being up fucked around the law of attraction, chasing goals that weren’t mine, that I thought I should, judging myself for that I really didn’t. Once I got in lock with sufficiency and sustainability sufficient what’s enough, what’s sustainable for me. And what keeps me in alignment? Like what do I need? I mean, I have a damn… I have a tattoo that says under grace, which is a nod to flow stop-
– Oh no, yeah.
– It’s under grace and .
– Yes, under grace overcome see, as I call it the over under blessing, my students don’t always like give us the under the over-under blessing. ‘Cause it sounds like gambling or something, right? What’s the over-under. No, the over-under blessing is that avalanches of abundance now begin to flow to you under grace overcome season imperfect way.
– Overcomes .
– Because that’s the thing, that shit can get rocky if you don’t ask for that.
– But this is also something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and then of course it’s been popping up in my Instagram is different people’s memes and shit, is that I can be at peace even when things are tumultuous.
– Same, I’ve just had to be, but…
– Yeah, but comes .
– It’s in my life and I’m like, whoa, how are you? It’s a discipline and it’s just wiring, some of us are wired and came here with like archetypical strengths to be able to do that. I do think the older I get, I probably get somewhat better at like creating the transitions that I wanna create without always being. I mean like I don’t know if you had ever had a problem with boundaries. I literally was raised in a household where you weren’t allowed to have boundaries. Parents were violating boundaries all the time, all the time, all the time. So then lo and behold you grow up as an adult who doesn’t know how to do that. And you got to learn that the hard way. And I did. And then when I first learned how to practice boundaries and try to practice boundaries. Do you remember there used to be this internet meme with this little tiny, really cute kitty, like slowly patting her way away from an actual like atom bomb like explosion, nuclear mushroom cloud. That was me, I was at kitty. I was like really trying to do the right thing and practice. And they were the right boundaries to set, but I hadn’t-
– Dropping bombs.
– Girl, I was messing people up. And I had, because I had left skill. I didn’t have skill. I didn’t have practice. I didn’t have mastery over those things. And now it’s funny because not only do you practice the skills, but you also practice, like now I have, I actually just the other day had a younger woman ask me a question about a relationship issue. And I kind of was like, I have had issues like that before, 20 years ago, but it’s almost you can practice them. You practice I call the magnets, the moats and the mirrors. Like you practice the moat, you practice, there’s like a force field around you where you just don’t even get presented with some of that nonsense that come your way all the time. And you’re like, “Huh, interesting.” It’s been like 20 years since anybody did. So like, I can’t even really tell you what I would do in that situation, because I wouldn’t be in that situation right now.
– To God praise and bless.
– Yeah, and so all of that happens with maturity and practicing your skills and your strategies.
– I love that you’re saying this and I appreciate it because this is something that I talk about a lot that time in the field matters. We can all have breakthroughs, but deep practice and mastery and skill development, which none of those things sound sexy. That’s not what anyone wants to hear. The word instance is not baked into any of that.
– It is so… SO I’ve been… ‘Cause there’s a couple of things that I’m hitting, like my decade mark on, in 2021 that I’m just like sitting into like… I wanna call it the lusciousness of time in the field.
– That’s time in the field, that’s a beautiful phrase. Well, ’cause you know the culture is like a youth promoting culture and I’m like, that’s kind of cute except you can’t have time in the field. And there’s just some stuff you cannot practice and get great ad when you’re 25.
– Even when you’re 30.
– There’s just some stuff that when you… And there’s some awakening like in the natural spiritual journey of an awakening human, there are some enlightenment’s and awakenings that are meant to happen around middle age. That’s just like how they… When they happen and it’s like wonderful that, that’s the divine timing of them ’cause by then is when you’ve got some time in the field, use your phrase and you’ve got enough skill to deal with it. Stuff that would have done you in 20 years ago. You’re like, no, okay, I’m I’m here for this, I can do this.
– This is something I’m so… I love children. I don’t want my own children but I love children for it. Because even some people have their kids younger. Some people have their kids like later in their 20s, 30s, even into their 40s. But what I noticed is there’s a certain point in our lives when our lives, there’s more children in our lives. More of our friends who are having children, have had children, whether they’re young or whether they’re older. And so factoring in like even this year, when I celebrated my birthday, I did two things. I had the kid friendly thing and the not kid-friendly thing. It was like happy hour on Tuesday for adults only, beach time on Saturday, bring all the babies. And it was like it’s a fact. For my 25th birthday I wasn’t factoring in, some people might have kids or not. At that time I didn’t have that many people in my life with kids, it wasn’t a thing. But now like I’m the minority, not having children, I’m the minority of the people I know. And I’m like, cool, I love that. That’s great. And their kids, they made me a little cake, they brought it, it was so sweet to have the kids on my birthday at the beach. And we learned so much. And my friend… Like seeing my friends become parents, becoming part of people’s villages, there’s all, you called them enlightenment’s, I like to call some of these things initiations. But like you’re saying, they happen. A lot of it does happen with age.
– Like in a lifespan.
– And there’s like a natural timing for that. That ought not to be… We don’t have to screw with it. And we don’t have to accelerate everything.
– No, no, yes.
– Like you don’t. So I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but when I was 19, I have this very remarkable experience. This woman who was in her 90s put an ad like a job ad out at my college. And so she hired me to take… I typed her words as she spoke her memoirs to me.
– Stop it.
– No, for real, like it took us like two years.
– And then she became, she by then she was like a very close, literally I have like a master’s degree and was like, okay, I can’t keep typing. And then she became very good friends with my grandmother and we actually published this book. It was the first book I ever worked on.
– This is the main thing.
– Yeah, she was one of the first women pilots licensed to fly in the United States.
– Stop, I love her so much.
– You always spoke-
– I don’t know if I ever told you one of the coolest fucking stories ever.
– It was very, very… I mean, I’ve always had some… I was raised in a family that had some very counter-cultural values around like gender, around race, around age, in ways that are like… It was always a good thing to be a girl and an old lady in my family. Those were all always kind of things people revere. So that was good. But my time with this woman at that age at 19, where she was telling me, I mean, she had the dipper from the pump, like that her family used to… You used to guys before there were faucets. With a water pipe in your house, everybody had a pump in their front yard and you would have to like pump this pump into the dipper and then that’s how you got water. And she had like the dipper there. And she learned how to find an open by a plane. The plane did not have a top on it, that’s how old that experience was. To have the experience of being in this woman’s presence while she was so vital, she had lived a hundred lives. She had literally outlived three husbands. And I was like, what? Like what prompted her to hire me, like a 19 year old? And she would literally… She was just like, I don’t want any more of my friends to die so I’m making friends with really young people. She was like, I don’t need so many people, I just need some friends who have not died before me. And I’m pretty sure you won’t.
– That’s amazing.
– I have a wild, right? Yeah, I mean, other than I had to eat a lot of cream spinach with her, ’cause that was her actual and was not my gym. It was very, very like formative, to be around someone who was that much older and had this total still voracious appetite for life. And it had looked a lot of different ways in her life and it kind of felt like nothing…. There’s that real good quote, nothing is final. What is it? Beauty and terror. Feel everything beauty and terror just keep going nothing is final. Being with her felt like nothing is final. Not the wonderful things, everything is a season and I feel like I had the gift of getting that like super early in life in a very visceral knowing way.
– That’s amazing.
– And it changed my sense on aging forever. I kinda just was like… It was like probably the beginning of my trance is being shattered ’cause I was like, oh, this is hilarious. These people think it’s bad to get older, they have no idea.
– I always loved getting older, ’cause I love getting wiser, like that I’m like…
– Don’t you think you get cuter. I think look cuter.
– To be quite honest, I mean I just think there’s so much and you know, I’ve always gravitated towards older people. I’ve always had older friends and I’ve always… I’ve appreciated their wisdom and their presence in my life so much. I’m like, oh, we’re missing out. We’re missing out by putting people out to pasture.
– We’re totally missing out and I think about that experience all the time. I’m so appreciative of having had that at that age, because it meant that when I was turning 30, I literally knew people who were turning 30, who were like, oh, I’m getting so old. I was thinking .
– You were so young.
– You will wish that you had the moment that you wasted thinking that brought back.
– Even right now, this is funny, I just turned 38 and honestly I’m like, “How am I still not 40?”
– Great, so I will tell you, I have this experience with my therapist not like where she was like, why you keep saying you’re older than you are? ‘Cause I kept… I was at the time probably I was about your age at the time. And I kept saying, I’m 40. I’m 40 year old grown woman. 40 year old woman. And she’d be like are you 40? but I’m 38. And she’d be like, “But that’s not 40.” And I’d be like, “Oh, that’s good.”
– It’s not working.
– the doctor asked me how old I was. And I said 47. And she was like, but not really. That’s in 45, so why? And I was like, well then why did you ask me if you knew. That was my answer, you’ve got the paper.
– You’ve got the paper. I mean so many of my friends have crossed into their 40s now and I’m loving it. And I’m watching them like blossom in their 40s.
– Fucking blossoming, and I’m like, I’m still in my damn 30s.
– I know that just means it’s gonna be extra lit.
– I can’t wait. I’m like already, I went to the best. I think you commented on it on Instagram. My friend Trudy is… She might’ve actually, her podcast might be up the week or two before yours. I went to her 40th birthday party just a couple of days ago.
– That is jubilant.
– It was jubilant, it was so fun. I was like, I got two years to plan my 40th birthday . You’re all invited.
– Okay, so let’s talk about my 40th birthday party. I mean, I don’t think we were.
– There’s actually one more thing. I know time is running out a little, I wanna hear about your 40th birthday party just tell me later. But the thing I really wanna make sure that we talk about before time runs out is, so one of the things that I hate about social media is the way words that have deep important meaning and value get diluted and polluted. And one of those words of sovereignty, and that is one of your jams.
– That’s my jam.
– People are really weaponizing the word sovereignty these days and I hate it. I wanna talk about it in your context.
– Sovereignty, that’s interesting. I don’t pay attention to social media as much as I should, so I’m curious.
– I don’t think you should.
– Yeah, it’s probably, it’s suffering, that’s sovereignty. That’s a sovereignty decision.
– Let me, I’ll fill you in on the context for that, and it also, for anyone listening in case you haven’t either. A lot of people are taking the word sovereignty to basically champion radical individualism, rather than ’cause sovereignty to me, and again, I cannot wait to hear how you wanna like define it or share is I’m sovereign. But part of that is knowing that we’re all interconnected.
– Well sovereignty. Okay, so I love… I studied the archetypes and work with the architects a lot, and in my own archetypes ruler or queen is very dominant in the market. And so when I first began to study them, I started to be like, okay, what does that mean? And I initially was studying them in a context of like business and money. So that means things, it means like I had a shadow around, I call it, I do it myself I’ll just do it myself. I’ll do it myself .
– Right? But rulers don’t do it themselves. A ruler builds an empire, okay? Without swinging the hammer. Like they’re not doing every single hard piece of work themselves. Instead a ruler like inspires and detracts all the right people to do their genius piece to build this empire. And my kind of ruler that I wanted to be was one that would build an empire for the benefit of all, right? So as I started to understand it instead of the archetypes part of what that required was for me to like… I have like a young end point of view or set of practices I should say. So I do study like the rulers and Queens of like myth and folklore and legend. And I was kind of dismayed at what I found, right? That many lovable queens who weren’t exiled or beheaded or dispossessed of their land. Who weren’t betrayed by the jokers in their court. It’s not a great look, right? And one thing that I… So I had to go back, I had to go far back. And so I kept going back until I could get until I got to the Egypt goddesses is like and net, right? Who still were dreaded on some levels because of the tremendous power they wielded, but also were beloved for like giving life and being like willing to like, net and hot tour have a bit of Cali ask story to them, where they’re willing to destroy kind of whatever needs to be destroyed so that the more beautiful thing to people that wants to be born. Sovereignty in my way of thinking involves both like envisioning and creating, not even only businesses but empires that benefit all, by flowing divine order, right? And I’m sure… And that’s probably not, that’s not literally in the definition of sovereignty, that’s just in my definition of sovereignty. Like to be a sovereign in the way I think about it does mean that you have to not… You have to be in this world, but not of it. And in fact, like the world that you are of is a world of divine order. So that the things that you create it’s a life of meaning. It’s a life devoted to higher ideals. When I say the word values gets diluted in pollution, you said the word values dis-ease so willy-nilly. No, really like what matters to you? My newsletter this morning was like, what do you worship, really? What are you really putting your time to? What aren’t you really spending the precious moments of breadth of your life talking about? What do you really stand for? And so in my… That’s in my value system sovereignty includes. It does include… It’s probably a little counter-cultural probably a little bit contrarian in a way that I do think people may jive with people’s like individualism but it’s like grounded and rooted in divine order. Like what is… Some things are right.
– Right, so it’s like about standing for that. And it’s about being okay with like, that means your decisions are not made based on status. They are not necessarily made based on money. They’re made based on like benefit of all divine order and you as sovereign of you have to be able to build the ritual and the commitment to hearing and adhering to your inner guidance about what that is. Because it’s not your… You can not get direction from… You’re not gonna get it on Facebook.
– Listen, I will tell you something really quickly. I had a experienced last year with a person who I was really close with and I listened to their advice over what my own intuition was telling me. And then another person came into my life this year, you know some people… The way I experienced people’s energy is some people are like the same texture.
– Interesting, some… Yes, yes, yes,. Yes, I know what you mean.
– So this other person, I was like, God, she reminds me so much of this first person. And I also, I did it again, common denominator is me. I advice on something over following my own ’cause I was tired. Hi pandemic, this was like, again, six months ago, around that time when I was just like in the dumps and it led me down a path that I ended up getting really hurt. And there was the same experience, like almost the same exact experience context almost everything with this other person last year. And even the timeline on it, was like very… I was like, are you gonna get the lesson bitch? It was like, how fascinating? And that was really the lesson. It was like, literally stop asking other people. But these were like… It wasn’t like I was like pulling my friends. It was like a very specifically went to someone who has the skill set, who isn’t intuitive, who this is what they do. Like their mystics, their values are aligned, all this stuff. And it was like still, but let your own soul be louder.
– That has to be, it’s the only way.
– It has to be the thing that . So it’s like, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong to ask, especially someone like learn it or has expertise, but you have to ultimately the buck stops with you and you’re . You and that shackles on, shackles off feeling inside you only. And that’s like… I think like it’s probably a sign that you normally don’t do that. That these experiences are so isolated and so painful, right? ‘Cause you’re like, this is not how things normally are. but I ended up like, I’m I meet with people and talk to people who are like, they’re just not even clear on what their own purpose is or what they’re about. And I’m kind of actually your inner guidance is pretty much always clear. But many of us have the practice of overruling it in favor of what someone louder or someone else is saying and if you do that enough, it just feels like unclarity is how your .
– That becomes habitual.
– Exactly, and it is habit. And it is a thing that we tend to fall into more when we are like energy drained or depleted. Yeah, which is why it’s so important to take lavish self-care so that’s not your chronic state of being.
– Totally, there was something else you just said that I wanted to come back to. Oh, and taking the time to listen, right?
– Yes, right, the guidance like you’re saying it’s always there. So I feel like I’m not clear, I’m not clear, I’m not clear. It’s because you’re so busy thinking I’m not clear, I’m not clear. You’re literally not even listening, you’re not checking.
– You’re on the rush because this is a culture that’s like always advocating . Whatever I should be doing so people do not feel like they it’s the whole like work and worth conflation. I gotta be doing something I should be making it happen. I feel sometimes your body what it you should be doing is sitting and I still run.
– That’s assuming, that is an activity, that is action.
– That’s an activity, sometimes I’ll just write at the top of my journal page. Like infinite spirit show me the way.
– Like I’ll just keep journaling and like some maybe an hour later, it might be a week later, it might be a year later. But like you got it, that’s flowing Divine order is like letting things take the time that they take. Letting this line up and light up.
– That’s right. Oh my God, I love it so much. I love you, I miss you, I miss London. Everyone listening, Tara’s website is soultuor.com. She’s also very active on Instagram and it’s Tara-Nicholle Kirke on Instagram, right?
– Tara-Nicholle Kirke on Instagram.
– I’m gonna put… There’ll be links to everything in the Show Notes. Is there anything specific you wanna send people to that you’re doing right now that’s on your website, any resource?
– Oh, let’s see. You know what? Yes, actually my newsletter transformation Tuesday. And it’s just at soultour.com/signup, but it’s kind of how we like keep you up to date on everything else that we’re doing. And the best thing I do. It’s the free thing I do and it’s the best thing I do. I love that newsletter. I write it actually during my own meditative practices. So it’s literally, usually I’m typing it out of my journal, into the newsletter .
– I love that. Amazing, all right, everyone. Get some more Tara in your life.
– I’d love to be there.
– We’re like planning trips and stuff. We’re like, okay, can we stop recording so we can talk about everything else we wanted to talk about as well. All right, this is great, I’m so glad you were here. I hope everyone got the good nuggets and even just your energy like I hope they can really feel how you live this and the impact of everything you shared, how it has on your life, like you are. How you are because of all these things that you do.
– It’s actually very delicious. And it’s habit forming in that way, .
– Yeah, it’s great. So I hope everyone gets to find their own inner lavishness and deliciousness because they listened to this. All right, I’m like this is why I don’t want the interview to end. And I’m like, just keep saying things, but we gotta go.
– Thanks for having me sweetheart.
– We’ll see you later.