For Coaches, Healers and other Sacred Servants: How To Help More People
This is a post about giving and receiving on many many levels. It’s about providing ultimate service in the way you’re Divinely designed to do so, and to stop providing the disservice of allowing your gifts to be hostage to your self-limiting beliefs.
I’m writing this post on a Monday morning. Just a few hours ago I woke up and what I’m about to share with you came flooding in so fast I could barely move my hand fast enough in my journal to get it down since my laptop was in the other room.
I thought I would just write a Facebook post but decided this topic is way too important to get lost in the bowels of a newsfeed or a timeline, especially since I know how many of you either are, or know, coaches, healers, and sacred servants, and I am intimately familiar with the struggles, conflicts, successes and triumphs of building that type of flourishing business/practice/career.
To be clear, when I say “sacred servants” that’s my term for people who do mystical, magical things that really help heal and transform people but are kind of (or extremely) hard to explain. If that’s you, you know who you are and what you do whether you do it publicly or take a more “undercover” approach ;).
In many ways this post has been brewing in me for over a year, so it felt pretty sweet to finally wake up with the words to properly articulate all the feels I’ve had around it. Actually, that’s a gross underestimate, this post has been brewing my whole life because I had to live everything in it so that I could take a stand for all of us from the “successful” side of this things and offer these insights from a place of cultivated and well-earned confidence, power, and experience.
I put “successful” in quotes above because we all have different definitions of success. Mine is that I get to do what I want, when I want, with whomever I want, work doesn’t feel like work, my heart explodes regularly with appreciation and love, and that I get to be a force for expansion, for love, and for good. When I think of ultimate success I think of this Erma Bombeck quote which some of you have probably seen or heard me reference before as it’s been motivating me for years,
“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.'”
So if that resonates, may this be useful for you or someone you know – and if it is, please share it with them. Too many people are in pain because they are not giving appropriately to the extent of their capacity. –Click to Tweet
This affects the individual in many ways – mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and it affects the world because the people who need your gifts aren’t receiving them.
For many years I held back from serving to my full capacity because I didn’t believe I was “qualified” to help three specific groups of people who now make up the MAJORITY of my clients, program members, and retreat attendees.
2) Women in their 40s
3) Women with a history of sexual abuse
The reason I didn’t think I could help these people was because I didn’t have their experiences.
Here’s what some of my self-limiting beliefs looked like:
“I don’t have kids, I can’t mentor moms or offer them help, advice or guidance, I have no idea how hard their lives must be!”
“Who wants to listen to someone in their late 20s/early 30s who hasn’t had as much life experience as they have?”
“I can’t image the depth of the pain or trauma of sexual abuse, someone who can relate can probably be way more helpful than I can.”
I share this with you because if your business, practice or career isn’t flourishing, I’d be willing to bet you’ve placed some kind of limitations on your ability to help and serve certain people, too.
Rather than give you “tips” or “tricks” I’m going to tell you how I got over it and what’s been happening since…
I decided to just show up for anyone who would listen, keep making offers and invitations, pay attention to who kept saying yes, what they said yes to, and go from there.
What happened is now my life and work (which aren’t separate in any way), are super satisfying, my bills are always paid on time, and by the end of 2016, I’ll have paid off all the debt I acquired during all the years I wasn’t serving to my full capacity. It’s also very VERY rare that I feel like I have to do anything. Most of my day to day is filled with “get to’s” – things that feel like an honor and a privilege to show up for, things that light me up rather than drag me down.
I used to believe that you had to be able to walk in someone’s shoes to REALLY be able to help them. Then, through the experience I mentioned above, I discovered two MAJOR reasons why that isn’t always true:
1) The gift of empathy (which if you’re reading this, you probably share, as like attracts like!). Until I learned how to better manage this, I actually thought it was a curse, constantly feeling other people’s pain in my body. At a certain point though I realized that I may not have had someone’s direct experience, but being able to feel their current level of anguish helped me understand the depth or truth of their experience. From there, I could help more.
2) The gift of not having their experiences. Because I haven’t had those experiences, I don’t hold the limiting beliefs surrounding them. Instead I can stand 100% in faith, vision and belief as they waiver at times through their process, which ultimately makes the process much easier for them in the long run.
Here’s an analogy for those who grasp things more clearly through stories and metaphor:
My best friend from high school went to Ithaca college in upstate New York which is notorious for their grueling winters. The first winter break she came home she told me about this rope that’s set up around campus to help students get to class during big storms. It’s simply there to hold onto as you walk to arrive at your destination safely, without having to struggle as much, or risk falling down or injury.
Of course the students know how to walk, it’s just a harder experience due to the weather conditions sometimes. Would they reach their destinations eventually on their own? Yes, most likely. Is it necessary to struggle and suffer the longer, harder way? Absolutely not. The rope isn’t worried about the snow or the ice, it’s there for safe passage through a rough time. It’s an accelerated path.
I get to be like that rope for my clients, program members and customers. Not having the worries they have about their current circumstances provides great service. I’m not worried about what hasn’t gone well in the past or isn’t going well right now, I have the ability to be there as a guiding force now. And this is how I help more people. This is how you can help more people. Be the one people can hold onto and be guided by during times of difficult passage.
ONE MORE THING
As a coach, healer or sacred servant – you may never be able to measure the vastness of your impact. Some aspects of it are measurable for sure – sales, subscribers, likes, shares, conversions on offers and etc.
This is why comparison is THE WORST. We’re usually not comparing ourselves to people at the same “level” or “stage” we are. We’re usually comparing ourselves to people many steps ahead of us, which makes no sense. And we’re usually doing so without the nitty gritty details – are they in debt? Do they have a trust fund? Were their parents entrepreneurs? How many things failed before they go to the place they are now where everything looks amazing and apparently makes good money? We just assume they’re “better than us” – whatever that means.
So let me remind you that you just never know how many people are reading your stuff, watching your videos, listening to your interviews or simply observing how you be in the world via social media and using what they’re learning from you. Of all the people who do engage with you, there are TONS who don’t because they’re shy or scared for whatever reason. So if you truly want to help and have an impact, just keep showing up.
You also can’t account for the RIPPLE EFFECT.
I’ll give you an example. A client told me story recently about shifting her habits around shopping. Instead of shopping for price and discounts, which is what she used to think she should be doing or deserved, she decided to invest in higher quality items and choose things based on what really lit her up versus using the price tag to decide whether or not she liked something.
She shared that she told her mom about her new habits and a few days letter gets an awesome email from her mom who had gone shopping and tried it out, too, leaving the store with items she loved, feeling really good about the experience. What my client had learned through me, her mom indirectly got the benefits of. Had she not shared that with me, I would have gone on having no idea of the impact I had on her or her mom.
There are probably hundreds or even thousands of stories like that of women who have read the Untame Yourself book, a blog or a Facebook post at some point, listened to a podcast, a Q+A call or attended a workshop – and I’ll never know. And I don’t have to know. I just have to keep showing up. You just have to keep showing up.
PLEASE keep showing up. The world needs what you’ve got.
For Coaches, Healers and other Sacred Servants: How To Help More People