I’m always excited to share guests with you, but this week, I finally got my dear friend Staci Jordan Shelton on the show. It took me over a year…maybe longer. And you will see, it was worth the wait!
Staci’s big truth was that she doesn’t let people gaslight themselves. From there we discussed what gaslighting actually is and how it functions since it’s a term that gets thrown around a lot.
We talked about the importance of context, the difference between shame and accountability and why conflict isn’t bad; and we got into why cancel culture isn’t the way, but ignoring patterns of behavior doesn’t help people get free either.
We also touched on implementation and how sustained change can only happen over time, the lies that hold people hostage, the importance of having hobbies and something I’ve been thinking about so much in the last year – what it’s like to be the strong friend and how to navigate getting the support you need, too, even if people don’t think you need it!
Enjoy, share, and let us know what you think!
From Staci Jordan Shelton:
I’m a performance consultant and coach with over 25-years of experience coaching, training and mentoring leaders and change agents close performance and profit gaps and get amazing results.
I’m the creator of the UNRAVELED and ANEW methods and frameworks for getting free from the things that keep you stuck, playing small, and unconsciously sabotaging your success. ?
My passion, purpose and mission are setting you free from the beliefs, binaries and behaviors that hold you hostage and keep you from showing up powerfully.
?I will tell you the truth in love, ask questions that guide you back to humanity, truth, honesty and integrity…AND that get you where you want and need to be.
What You’ll Hear:
4:58 How Staci feels in her body right now
6:52 Staci’s definition of gaslighting
11:26 How context is often missing on social media
14:47 Why anger isn’t negative
20:08 Dealing with people who can’t handle uncomfortable situations and conflict
24:30 How some people don’t like feeling their feelings
26:16 The impact of emotional violence
32:25 How disagreement doesn’t equal disrespect
35:15 What it means to shame someone
37:38 Using unconditional integrity
44:05 Giving people feedback when needed, even if it’s not easy
48:57 Why you need to prioritize joy
53:54 The themes that are present for Elizabeth and Staci this year
59:05 Why you need to check on your strong friends
01:05:31 Being compassionate to others without allowing abuse
01:08:54 How a lot of men aren’t equipped to be with strong women
01:12:27 Creating a space and sub-community for black women
Click here to watch/listen or scroll upward to listen only:
“Anytime someone’s trying to shift blame or avoid accountability or blame the other person for how they responded that’s just classic gaslighting.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“Context is everything.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“Nobody should have to write a dissertation to appease your understanding.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“Anger isn’t negative, it’s an emotion.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“It’s very unloving to let people stay in their shit. You may not even understand that you’re doing this thing, but let’s talk about that and unpack that.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“If you can’t navigate disagreement or hurt feelings I understand where it comes from, but you still have to deal with it.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“So many people don’t like feeling their feelings.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“Just because you understand why someone is being awful doesn’t mean you need to endure them being awful.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“We have to start treating emotional violence the same way we treat physical violence.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“Joy for me is fuel and it gives me space and hope.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
“Healing happens in community.” – Staci Jordan Shelton
How was this episode for you?
Was this episode helpful for you today? I’d love to know what quote or lesson touched your soul. Let me know in the comments below!