Podcast Episode

Discernment for Transformation

Discernment for Transformation

by | Aug 2, 2021

This episode is a mix of two things today. First some reflection now that I’m in Miami of my time in California, some things I’ve been realizing ever since I decided to move -so don’t worry, I’m not fresh processing in real-time on the show here, you all know that’s not my style.

Then the second thing, as it came up in my reflections – is about who we invest our resources with, especially around personal and professional development – and how to make the wisest, most soul-aligned choices and decisions with our time, energy, and dollars… 

What both things really have in common is one of my favorite drums to beat – DISCERNMENT.

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My friend Tara Nicholle Kirke has a book about Transformational Consumers – I will have her on the podcast in the Fall she’s an epic human and the story of how we met is great – but I was diving into her book lately because that’s what I am and that’s what you all are.

We’re all transformational consumers. We invest in transformation – from health products, to books, to programs, retreats, courses, healing..etc.

There’s nothing wrong with that – we care about and prioritize healing, growth and development, and for some that includes spirituality, too…

so this episode is really dedicated to being WISER and having discernment so we can put our time and money in the best hands.

Hands we trust, hands that share our values, hands that are actually invested themselves in collective healing and liberation, not just self aggrandization, amassing wealth and influence for themselves, and whose businesses and programs in very unobvious ways keep the systems we’d love to dismantle alive, well, healthy, and thriving!

So let’s pull some wool out from over our eyes and have discernment, shall we??!

Listen to episode 355 now!

 

In episode 355 of the Embodied Podcast we discuss:

  • [9:09] My friend Tara’s book, The Transformational Consumer
  • [10:47] The return on investment of transformational consumerism
  • [13:53] A reflection on my 8+ years in California and the soul truths I learned
  • [17:34] Why I am so committed to transparency and the truths about the polluted self-help industry
  • [19:21] My new rule for myself about investing into programs, courses, etc. 
  • [22:55] Why we should be able to ask people where their money comes from
  • [26:05] How we’re built as people and how we participate in shenanigans as consumers
  • [31:19] Why you need to take time for discernment if someone is really who they say they are 
  • [34:02] Why you should avoid approaches that invalidate your lived experiences 

    Resources mentioned by Elizabeth in the episode:

       

      Quotes from this Week’s Episode of the Embodied Podcast:

      • “Almost everything is an iteration of things that already exists or a repacking/reconfiguration of what already exists.”
      • “Not all risks are created equal.”

      How was this episode for you?

       

      Was this episode helpful for you today? I’d love to know what quote or lesson touched your soul. Let me know in the comments below OR share the episode on Instagram, tag me your stories @elizabethdialto, or send me a DM!

      About the Embodied Podcast with Elizabeth DiAlto

      Since 2013 I’ve been developing a body of work that helps women embody self-love, healing, and wholeness. We do this by focusing on the four levels of consciousness – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

      In practical terms, this looks like exploring tools and practices to help you tune into the deep wisdom of the body and the knowing of the heart, which I believe are gateways to our souls. Then we cultivate a new relationship with our minds that allows the mind to serve this wisdom and knowledge and soul connection, rather than override it, which is what many of us were taught.

      If you’ve been doing self-help or spiritual development work for a while, these are the types of foundational things that often people overlook in pursuit of fancier concepts that often aren’t practical or sustainable. Here, we will focus on building these strong foundations so you can honestly and thoroughly embody self-love. If you’re feeling it, subscribe to the show, and leave us a review wherever you listen from. You can also keep up with show updates and community discussion on Instagram here.

       

      Transcripts for Episode 355:

      What’s every… What’s up everybody. Listen, I’m recording this on a Monday, this is how this week is starting out. I couldn’t even get the sentence, what’s up everybody, out of my mouth without a problem. So my goodness, thank you for being here. 

      This is episode number 355 of the podcast, which is miraculous in and of itself as well. I’m not exactly sure how the sound is gonna go for this episode, because I am recording in, not even like a soundproof room, it’s just like… I’m at my co-working space, but I haven’t been able to move into my private office yet. I still have a couple of days until that. And I think this is called a wellness room, I don’t know. I moved things around so I could at least have this. If you’re watching on YouTube, I could at least have this like pretty picture behind me. But even in the picture, there’s a reflection of like the horrendous overhead light. It’s just not ideal. And listen, if there’s a theme of the last couple months of my life, it’s not ideal, I’m sure some of you can relate. Honestly, for most of us since the beginning of the pandemic, the theme has certainly been, not ideal, but you know, we’re doing it. We are, you know, getting through it, making our way, working with what we have. 

      So today… For those of you who don’t know, by the way, like for some reason, if this is the first time you’ve ever listen to my podcast, you’re like, “Why is this chick talking to me? Like, I know what she’s up to and I know what’s going on,” it’s because that’s how I talk to everybody. You know, between the email list or social media, Instagram, especially for having this podcast for six plus years now, a lot of you actually are aware that I just moved across the country from California to Miami. I was in Oakland, California. I had spent the last about eight and a half years in California. Literally, trying out every city. Every city, just being like, “Is this the one? Is this the one?” I would stay for a while, and then… You know, Oakland was my last ditch effort. It felt like the most East Coast place on the West Coast. I was like, “All right, let’s do this Oakland.” And obviously it wasn’t an ideal time to move during the pandemic, but just during my time there, I was like, “Okay, time’s up for me on California. It’s time to go back to the East Coast.” And then I really started feeling into the type of environment I need. And the fact is, I just need to be able to be near the ocean, but also go in the ocean. That was always one of my gripes with Southern California. The water is not that warm. I can’t see what’s in it. Like, it’s not nearly as beautiful to me as like the Caribbean or the Atlantic Ocean here in this area of the United States. So Miami, it is, you know, we got Latin culture here, we got Caribbean people, half my family’s Puerto Rican, if you don’t know that. So like this kind of the Latin vibe of Miami feels a lot more like me. And I’m excited to be here. 

      I am not fully here yet. I mean, my physical body is here, at the time of recording this, I’m still waiting for my movers to arrive with my stuff. I am still waiting to move into my own apartment. I’m currently squatting at my friend’s house. I’m waiting to move into my office space like, there’s just so many details and things that haven’t quite landed and anchored in and allowed me to fully fully feel like I live here yet. But that’s how transitions are, so many moving pieces, so many moving parts. If you’re in any kind of transition right now, I am sending you so much love. And so many , ’cause shit is hard. And I’m finding it… Listen, I’ve moved a lot in my life. Some big moves too. And I’m finding this one to be particularly hard because I was already depleted from the isolation of, you know, a year and a half in the pandemic and all but four months of which I really spent living on my own and by myself, so much isolation, I posted something on Instagram the other day that I’m still. I don’t know if I’ll ever know the full effects of being that isolated for that long, under these circumstances, the effects of that had on me. It definitely fucked with me. You know, even being who I am, even having my practices, being a practitioner, being an embodiment specialist, it was hard, it was really, really hard for me. I’m sure it was a really, really hard for many of you for a variety of reasons. And you know, we’re all… I think we’re all gonna be probably working through that long into the after times, which were not even at the after times yet. So, you know, just unpacking, just figuring it out as I go, as I’m sure many of you are as well. Just really trying to tend to myself, care for myself, love on myself, take my own medicine as much as I possibly can through the transition. 

      So today what I wanted to talk about… And by the way, you know, this episode is gonna air, I believe in August, 2nd, maybe, and then we’ll have one or two more solo episodes. I’m gonna get back in a groove with some interviews this fall, I’m really excited. We’ll have some guests back who’ve been on the show before, some new types of guests and I’ll still be weaving in solo episodes. You know how I roll on the show, if you’ve been a long-time listener, whatever feels important, whatever we wanna talk about, we talk about it, you know? Even, this show has changed names three times over the years from “Untamed: The Wild Soul” to “Truth Telling,” now it’s “Embodied,” but no matter the name of the show, the thing that we’re always about is exploring anything of and related to collective healing and liberation. Thus, we care about this. We care about the most. And there’s a lot, a lot, a lot of things that fall into and under those categories. 

      So I have some notes here. Again, if you’re watching on YouTube, you’re gonna see me reading. I do that mostly, so I don’t go on tangents. If you’re listening, probably won’t make a big difference for you. So this episode is intended to be a mix of two primary things today. First, some reflection. Now, that I’m in Miami, of my time in California and some things I have been realizing, ever since I decided to move, which was back in April. So don’t worry. I’m not like using the show to fresh process with you in real time. This is stuff I’ve been already feeling out, thinking through, contemplating, processing since about April. And then the second thing as it came up, as part of a really big part of my reflections is about discernment and who we invest our resources with, especially around personal and professional development and how to make the wisest, most soul aligned choices and decisions with our time, energy and dollars. So what both things really have in common, is one of my favorite drums to beat, which many of you have heard me talk about in other contexts and other ways over the years, discernment. Now, my friends, I wanna give a little hat tip, shout out to my friend, Tara Nicole Kirk, because she has a book about transformational consumers and I will have her on the podcast in the fall. She is an incredible human being. She’s one of the people I met while I was in the Bay Area. The story of how we met is… I love the story of how we met, I’ll wait till I have her on to tell the story, but I was diving into her book recently, because that’s what I am, I’m a transformational consumer. And that’s what all of you are. 

      If you’re listening to this show, you’re a transformational consumer. That means that we invest in transformation, from health products and supplements, anything from like Fitbit’s, protein powders and essential oils to books, programs, retreats, courses, healings, you know, any of you who’ve ever worked with me, you’re a transformational consumer, everything I do is about healing and transformation and growth. And there’s nothing wrong with that by the way, which is cool to actually have, identify, call a thing a thing, know what it is. And then what we’re gonna be talking about today, as people who care about and prioritize healing, growth, development and transformation is discernment. And for some of us, that includes spirituality as well, as people who prioritize those things, really, really being conscious and mindful about our consumer behaviors and becoming just more intentional, having more discernment as a transformational consumer, as I already mentioned, doing better diligence and discernment, so that we can have better experiences and also better returns on our investments. And when it comes to being a transformational consumer, the return on investment might not always be like a traditional, like a financial ROI. 

      You know, if you run any kind of business or you’re any kind of executive or leader, like if you do some kind of professional training and then you’re able to like get a raise at your job or make more money in your business, if you have a business, like, that’s the very tangible return on investment, ROI. But for a lot of it, we actually can’t even measure because the ripple effects of the things that transform in our lives from just this one investment are beyond. I’ll give you an example, I recently… A couple of months ago, I would say, I started using… I’m a supplement person, because I get really bored and really tired of food and figuring out how to feed myself. So if I find like a protein powder or greens powder, like something that’s gonna get me the nutrition I need, I’m elated, I’m so excited about that. And so I did, I started taking a new greens supplement and a new, like a proteins, amino acid, but a vegan one. ‘Cause I needed… I wasn’t getting enough protein. And so stuff like that, that might sound really simple. Like, “Oh, I started taking this greens powder and these amino acids,” but that had a ripple of transformation in my life, because I was suddenly getting nutrients, changed my energy, made my workouts better. And when I have better energy, when my workouts are better, that filters into my work and my attitude and my relationships and my sleep and everything. 

      So that’s really one of the coolest things about all these investments and discernment we make as a transformational consumer is, sometimes we can’t even measure, fathom or realize all the different areas of our lives that can improve and can be touched because of these things. So it’s definitely a worthwhile thing to be investing in all these different forms of transformation, but we wanna be wise and have discernment about our consumption, about our investments. So we could put our time and money in the best hands, into hands that we can trust, hands that share our values, hands that are actually invested themselves in collective healing and liberation, not just self a grandization or amassing wealth and influence or power for themselves, which is often very shallow things anyway. And we also don’t really wanna be investing with people whose businesses and programs, even in very obvious and subtle ways, keep the systems that many of us are trying to dismantle alive, well, healthy and thriving. Because there’s a lot of people, who say the right things and appear to be on board with the mission, right? With the movements, but they’re not. So how do we tell who’s who? 

      So that’s what this episode is about: discernment. We’re gonna pull some wool out from over our eyes as transformational consumers and have discernment. Okay? So as I reflect on my eight and a half years in California, I see a lot of ego shedding and reorientation towards soul truth, over programming and conditioning. This is something I also talk about a lot, right? There’s always more soul truth available. And I’m emphasizing this because even as a practitioner, even as a facilitator, myself, with thousands and thousands of hours of training and practice, put both… When I say practice, I mean personal practice and also practice practicing with clients and students, I face these things still, I’m not above any of the same type of shit, that any of you bump into, right? Ego stuff, shadow stuff, ancestral, family lineage, childhood stuff, old wounds, like I bump into all that stuff sometimes too. And I’m always so glad to share this with you because I’m always, always, always so glad to remind people of all the reasons why they should not be beating themselves up for having work to do. We will all always have work to do. It’s literally part of the human condition. We are all so multifaceted. We’re all so layered. There’s always gonna be more to peel back. It doesn’t mean we have to be obsessive about that, but you know, when we’re resourced, when we’re compelled to, when it’s obvious, when it makes sense to, we should totally do that work, it’s always worth it. 

      So personally, for my time in California, I see a couple of things. I see how I had to go into the deep underbellies and shadows of new age spirituality and mostly white liberalism and progressivism. And those might not be the most accurate terms for any of those things. But I’m talking… Especially when I say white liberalism or progressivism, I’m talking about the things where people who fancy themselves or proclaim themselves to be allies who aren’t actually dismantling their own internalized white supremacy, end up taking over movements or hijacking movements, or derailing, is probably the best word, derailing movements, because they’re still not able to stop centering themselves, their ideologies, their goodness, their rightness, their perceived moral superiority, which is always gonna be detrimental to the original purposes and the intentions and the focuses of the movements, these types of people are so proud of themselves and sanctimonious about participating in. So I had to get up in that, participate in it. Get sucked into it a little bit myself, and then get the hell back out. These are like my heroes or heroines journeys, whatever you wanna call them. I also see, which I’m sure many of you could relate to, how much time and money. You know, hindsight is always 20/20. 

      And I see how I may have mis-invested in as a transformational consumer… I’m gonna throw this in air quotes, “the wrong teachers,” right? People who were wildly identify with their egos, personalities and expressions of false power and influence. Now, I don’t really believe in mistakes. I don’t really believe in failures. I just believe everything, you know, we learn. If it happened, it needed to happen. So of course there were lessons and things I got out of those investments, albeit none of it was what I thought I was signing up for or paying for. So I don’t regret it. And I do trust that if it happened, it needed to happen on levels. Some levels I can see, some levels I can’t, I’m sure, but those experiences are why I stay very committed to transparency, right? 

      Because some of these coaches and leaders out there are really selling snake oil, but they’re so delusional, they don’t even realize that they’re selling snake oil. They’re literally buying their own bullshit. And it’s basically polluted in industry. The healing growth, transformational coaching industry, whatever you wanna call it, it’s polluted a whole industry that really could be so amazing. And it’s jaded so many transformational consumers. Some of you listening to this can probably relate to having like bought purchase programs as a transformational consumer with discernment. And I’m not talking about the things that you bought and didn’t use, and then you feel bad about that. And so you have reservations about investing in things in the future. ‘Cause you’re like, “Ah, I don’t know if I’m gonna use it.” I’m talking about the things that you paid for and you did use, and it was not a good experience, right? I get the backlash of this sometimes when people are looking at my programs and things, and they’re projecting onto me experiences they’ve had with other teachers and leaders and you know, I can’t do anything about that. People can either come to me, you know, trust, be willing to try and have an experience or they’re just gonna be super jaded and count themselves out. And you know, if that happens, that happens. 

      So, but why that happens, why so many people end up jaded in and by this industry and facilitators and practitioners, are because some people will blame us for questioning them or trying to have discernment, right? For just asking really valid questions as transformational consumers with discernment. People will turn that around. They’ll call it fear or resistance or self-sabotage, when really, we’re just trying to do some diligence to find residence in alignment, to be a wise and well-informed transformational consumer. So basically, my rule of thumb that I wanna share with you, take it if you want, you know, ditch it or modify it, if that feels better to you, I don’t invest with anyone anymore, if I can’t get a solid read, sense or feel of their relationship to an embodiment of their soul, not their ego. I need to have discernment or see someone is operating so much more from like a genuine soul, authentic, generous place, not this like ego, again, self-important, self-centered, what’s the word I’m looking for? Or if there even is a word for it, what I’m thinking of is the type of people who really wanna be selling folks that their way is the only way or the best way, because that’s just never true. We’re all so different. Like, there’s always gonna be many ways and many things that resonate for us, could work for us, could be aligned for us. There’s no right best way. There’s so many ways. And it’s up to us to use discernment and find that out, right? So I don’t invest with people anymore if I can’t feel their soul. 

      And something else related to this, that I want to talk about around discernment and around what might resonate for you and what might not is, lifetimes lineages and how we spend our resources as transformational consumer. Because if you ask someone where their wisdom and experience comes from and what their practices are, you might get, an array of answers. Some people will have a lot of training, degrees, certifications and things like that. Some will be more autodidactic, meaning more self-taught or guided. I’m gonna put “guided,” in air quotes, because some people really do just download things, you know, from the Akashic field. Some people do remember things from past lives. All those things are possible. Some people might roll their eyes at that stuff. But I personally… Some of you know this about me, when I started to create Wild Soul Movement in 2013 and like started sharing it with people, people would be like, “Oh, did you learn that in, you know, kulina yoga?” Or “Did you learn that in this kind of class or that?” People were basically telling me that some of the things I was doing were very similar to these other practices that I had never done before. And I was always like, “How do I know this? Like, where did this come from?” You know? And then many years later when I started working in the “Akashic Records” in the Akashic field, I realized like, “Oh, I either was tapping into collective intelligence or I’ve done things like this in past lives. And it’s just coming through, I’m remembering, I’m accessing things that I’ve already done already known.” And then you’ll have people who are more of a mix, a combination of the two, like they’ll have trainings and certifications and things like that. They’re also downloading and accessing their own medicine, memories, technologies, and et cetera. I’m kind of a mix. I have plenty of trainings, plenty of experiences, plenty of certifications and things like energy work, a lot of different types of body related things, from my personal training days, all the way up through, you know, different types of energy healings and stuff like that. And then as well, as I just mentioned, I certainly download, for lack of a better word, a lot of stuff. I don’t know how I know it, I just do. If you’re into human design, my profile is 62. And apparently that is an aspect of both of those things, I think, especially the six. 

      So anyway, here’s what I’m saying. We should be able to use discernment and ask people where their money comes from. I know for some people they think that’s rude or like that’s taboo. We should be able to ask people these things though, “What kind of training do they have? Where does their money come from? What are their values? How do they live in integrity and integrate their values into their lives and their businesses?” This is something I ask people a lot when we get pitches for the podcast, how they integrate things like social justice, collective liberation, and being trauma informed into their work. And a lot of people you’d be surprised, either don’t answer the question or they answer the question without actually answering it because so many people don’t wanna be like, “No, I’m not doing that,” but that’s the answer, right? They’ll talk around it in a million ways. I’ve even had people ask me, “Well, what does that mean?” And I’m like, “Well, if you have to ask, you’re clearly not doing it.” So people who bulk at those questions, the bulking in and of itself is my automatic disqualification to people like that. You know, that might work for you with discernment, that might not work for you with discernment. And I wanna make a distinction here. I might not wanna work with someone and I might not wanna have them on my podcast. That doesn’t mean I wanna cancel them as a human being. It doesn’t mean I wish them harm. It doesn’t mean I’m like, “Ah, F this person, no one should be paying the money.” I’m just like, that doesn’t align for me, okay? Like, I’m really super not into cancel culture. I’m into discernment. I’m into, you know, not perpetuating people’s harm by investing or colluding with them in any way, collaborating with them. 

      But, you know, I do believe people can heal. I believe most people can heal from almost anything and they should be given the opportunity to, but I also don’t believe that we need to put ourselves in harm’s way so that somebody else can heal at our expense. So more things that I wanna just bring into the conversation for your consideration. I know business owners from wealthy families, or with inheritances, or with spouses who make a lot of money, who let people think that their success hasn’t resulted from anything other than their marketing chops, all kinds of things, from their marketing chops to their pussy magic, right? Some people that’s their thing. And that they’re so successful. And they’re earning all this money because this is what they did. But really, some of these people have had five or six figures at their disposal to build websites or hire teams and set up funnels and do branding and marketing and graphic design and stuff like that. But they’re just not letting you know that they had that like big, big, big, big, big time leg up, right? Some people come from entrepreneurial families. Some people understood how business works. Some people like just have that mentality going into it. Other people have really had to figure it out as they went. And I’m not even knocking the people who had access to all kinds of resources to help them get started and get going. But I am saying it’s better to be transparent about stuff like that. It’s more ethical, and for me, it’s just more aligned. Like when I find that out about people and I never see them mentioning that anywhere, that always makes me raise an eyebrow. 

      There’s also the piece around how we’re built and how we participate in other people’s shenanigans as consumers, right? One way is that, we are more inclined to seek something new than to develop the discipline to go deeper with what we already have access to after using discernment. This is why a lot of people waste a lot of money on self-help and personal development. People are always asking, even me, “What else?” “What else could I do? What other resources do you have?” And a lot of people get frustrated when my first response to them is, “Well, tell me what you’ve done already with what you have,” right? Because, especially in my own programs when someone’s like, “What else could I do?” And I’m like, “Okay, but what did you do with the thing that I just gave you? Right, did you go deep with that? Did you give yourself a chance to have like a full experience? Did you embody that? Did you experience good things, bad things, everything in between before you went asking for something else?” Because there’s a saying that says, “Don’t quit five minutes before the miracle.” And when things are hard, it’s really easy to be like, “Well, this isn’t working,” when really it’s you that’s not working. It’s you that’s not showing up or being thorough or being dedicated or devoted enough to actually get to the part where you get the results, or you have a change where you have a different outcome. Sometimes it’s us. 

      And here’s the thing, going deep as in a sexy sounding, as discovering something new, a bright, shiny, or cutting edge as so many people like to package their stuff. And this, I really… This is the perspective that comes from working in the Akashic field and the “Akashic Records” with people. There’s just really not much that’s never been done or seen before. Almost everything is an iteration of things that already exist, or like a repackaging, reconfiguration of things that already exist. I’ve been transparent about this for years in my own work. So many things that I do come from something I did here, here, here, and here. And then I just put it together in a way, and just like a different combination or like a different formula or a different way. There might be a new spin, new words, different energy or insight applied to it. But a lot of it is stuff that already exists. 

      And I speak for myself and I speak literally, for everything and everyone. So when I talk about discernment, I’m really inviting you to feel into your heart, use discernment with your heart, feel for your knowing about people or situations. I’m gonna give you an example, an event that was a real turning point for me, was speaking at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition National Conference in 2017. This reminds me of my favorite Busta Rhymes quote, “Don’t talk about it, be about it,” because… There’s another quote actually, too, that always goes with that, “People say a lot, so I watch what they do.” So I got invited to talk at I.N.N about self-love, and that talk, which I called Untamed Self-Love in 2017, ended up being a really popular talk at I.N.N, when their students go into their training program, they get the recordings from all the conferences. And so literally every time they have a new cohort, I get a bunch of Instagram followers. I get a bunch of new students. I get a bunch of messages from people. And so after that had been happening in 2017, 2018, 2019, last year in 2020, I decided to really go deeper with that framework and really turn it into a framework. Actually, what I… In that talk, I spoke about the big five, the big five for Untamed Self-Love. And that is what is now my embodied self-love framework. And those things are self-awareness, self knowledge, self-acceptance, self-trust and self-respect. And I bring that up because at the time, a woman who was working for I.N.N that invited me to give that talk, knew me. She knew my work. We had been connected on social media and we had met at a conference. So she’d been in my orbit for a couple of years. At that time, I had never really talked about self-love, like explicitly, because it was such a buzzword. Like, I remember specifically and intentionally not talking about self-love, it was just a practice. And it was just embedded and baked into everything I did. So she invited me to give that talk because I just lived it. It’s just something I did. It’s just something I oozed and emanated. ‘Cause it was a deep practice for me personally. And so, I was invited, not because I was some like expert on self love. I was invited because I was an embodiment. Like, it just was a thing that was clear and obvious that I do and that I live and that I practice. And that was baked into everything that I teach. So people can feel that, you know? 

      People can feel that about you. People can feel that about others. And this is what I’m talking about when I say, having discernment as a transformational consumer, give yourself due the diligence, allow yourselves to be discerning enough, to feel someone enough, to see, are they living? Are they embodying? Is this really who they are? These things that they’re teaching, are they practitioners of their own medicine? Do they take their own medicine? Personally, that is my preference. Learn to feel the difference in your body and have discernment between when you dependent on the teacher as well, because they’ve instilled some kind of like weird fear in you that you can’t do it, or you can’t get these results without you, or sometimes it’s just because of your own attachment stuff. That’s a big deal. 

      Personally, I’ve had that experience of being manipulated by teachers. So now, I mean, I’ve always done this, but now I, especially what I’ve always done is, make sure students know that my ultimate goal is that they don’t need me, and my clients too, my ultimate goal is that the work that we do helps you to like embody and connect and love and trust yourself in these ways where you don’t feel like you need me anymore, right? Or maybe you just wanna like pop in for a touch-up here and there a little check-in, sometimes you just need some perspective, that’s cool, but I don’t ever wanna anyone being dependent on me. And a lot of people’s business models are built around getting people to feel and be dependent on them. So personally, in my own discernment and transformational consumption, I don’t rock with people. I do not invest with people anymore who lead that way, who speak that way, because emulating a teacher is never the way, finding your own embodied expression of the knowledge and wisdom that they impart or the tools or framework or whatever that they teach. That’s the jam, that’s the goal with discernment. So I don’t work with people anymore whose soul is in palpable, because people’s traumas and insecurities drive them to do very unskillful, unloving and unethical things. And so, there’s just some things to watch out for, people telling you, spending money that you don’t have is any kind of demonstration of faith in yourself, or act of commitment to your goals and what you say you want, that’s not ethically y’all. It might be, if the stress doesn’t harm you, right? For a lot of people though, it really will harm you. So wait, so take your time. Use discernment.

      Many years ago, when I was still susceptible to narcissism and emotional manipulation, I let a coach convinced me that his high pressure sales tactics, first of all, that his sales tactics weren’t high pressure, they were, but he framed it as if he was teaching us how to take a stand for people to improve their lives and be who they said they wanted to be. But the thing is, that any approach that invalidates your lived experiences or current circumstances, that isn’t for you, that’s not about you, that’s for the person trying to sell you something. And again, they’re like everything, there’s nuance here because some people are built to overcome things by taking risks and leaping before the net appears. I’m actually one of those people. And when I say built for it, people like me, or like us who do that, we are not gonna be like stressed out, stuck or debilitated by the stress of that. In some ways, it actually fuels and thrives us and gives us the impetus we need to keep going, to focus, to take action, to find discipline. Some people really aren’t built for that though. Some people would be so stressed, so anxious, it would be so distracting to them. They wouldn’t be able to get anything done. And you need to be honest with yourself about whether you’re more of a risk taker or you’re not. And also perhaps, discern, again, what kind of risks make sense for you, because not all risks are created equal. 

      So for example, I’ll take a lot of risks with money and time. I will not take many risks with my physical body. I literally won’t even go skiing or snowboarding. The possibility of injury for me is not worth any potential of short-term thrill. And some people say things like, “But you could be hit by a bus any day,” and that’s true, but I’m not like intentionally dancing around in the bus lane on the main highway or the main road, increasing the likelihood that I would be hit by a bus, the same way I would be if I went skiing or snowboarding, which would highly increase the likelihood of me being injured. So to sum up discernment, you are a transformational consumer and you get to be wise about your investments. It would behoove you to be wiser, perhaps, if you have been burned before, by any kind of teacher, a leader, you know, whatever, it would behoove you to become more discerning, to like, you know, go back, listen to this episode again, take some notes, do some reflecting of your own, on where you kind of had to be exposed to like the underbellies or the shadows of different types of teachers, leaders, or things that go on in this world or in this industry and get your lessons, right? Get your wisdom from that. 

      You get to be wise and use discernment about your investments. You get to feel for people’s souls and have discernment. You get to ask people questions that you wanna know the answers to, until you feel comfortable enough to make the investment and see how they respond, if they even do, because this is something interesting, whether you’re spending $30 or $30,000, people should be willing to answer your questions. If you have questions for them about who they are, what they do, the service they provide and whatever. And you know, it doesn’t mean that people answer your questions perfectly, but if you need to keep asking, ask your frigging questions, people should be happy, you asked. And if they try to get us at you, about even asking the question, for example, like sometimes he’ll be like, “Well, if you’re even asking that, you’re obviously in fear or you’re having resistance or you’re projecting…” Listen, if people are gonna turn it back on you, that you have a fucking question, please let that be a bright ass red flag for you. If they open up, if they’re transparent and have nothing to hide, if they’re the kind of teacher guide or leader who is always about pointing you back to yourself, even when they’re sharing their own experience, those are the types of people that you can trust. Those are the types of people that you will be safer with, right? Invest with those people. 

      Resonance doesn’t lie, neither does dissonance. And remember that resistance is an invitation to feel for the deeper truths , until you hit the resonance or the dissonance, but that will always come from within, right? It will not come in response to somebody else pressuring you. So something I really firmly believe in, because I’ve seen it and experienced so much in my life is, that we are literally all so wise in our own rights. It’s really beyond time. And so, so needed for us to be more devoted than ever to anchoring into that soul level wisdom that we all have and have access to. And because that comes from the divine source and that is worth anchoring into more than anything else. So I hope this episode was helpful for you, as a transformational consumer. 

      Again, hat tip to my friend, Tara-Nicholle Nelson, for that term, check out her book if you want to, her book is more oriented towards people who sell and market things to transformational consumers, but I actually found it very useful to really get up more in the identity of and the analysis of being a transformational consumer as well. So this is episode number 355 of the podcast. We will include a link to Tara’s book in the show notes, as well as anything else I mentioned throughout the course of the show, as always, thank you for listening. 

      Let me know what you thought about this and discernment. If you found the episode to be useful, as always, you know, blast it out, email it to your friends, text people, post it in your stories on Instagram or Facebook or wherever it is that you do social media. I always, always appreciate those shares so much. And we’ll talk to you later.

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