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Two Questions That Are Destroying Your Life, Your Service, and Your Results (So Stop Asking Them!)

I started writing this as a Facebook post then realized it was going to be much deeper than that.

This past weekend I had the honor of emceeing my coach’s event. Sitting in the back of the room, observing her teaching and the way the audience was engaging with her gave me a really unique perspective.

Something I noticed repeatedly were people coming up to the mic asking, “But how??” and “Why???” And I realized how often in my own life I get caught up in trying to figure out the how instead of just knowing where I need to go or what I need to do and simply focusing on the next best step.


The BIG HOW is an accumulation of many next best steps. -Tweet this!

Think about that – how often in your life have you laid out an entire plan only to have to pivot or correct course during the execution process anyway?

So why bother obsessing over the perfect plan?

NOTICE- I said the “perfect plan” – I’m not telling you to stop planning all together. I’m suggesting you take a more macro approach to planning that leaves room for some magic and miracles along the way.

What I’m proposing is keeping your eye on the prize, the goal, the vision, the BIG PICTURE, and letting the micro steps reveal themselves instead of obsessing over getting them right – which we often do before we even have the necessary information to know what’s best anyway.

It’s a waste of time that creates chaos, drama, stress and anxiety.


This one is really killing you, friends.

You don’t need to understand every detail of every experience. Trust me, if you need to know it will be glaringly obvious and if it isn’t you either

a) don’t need to know right now (maybe ever)


b) what you do need to know will reveal itself in due time (I’ve got a really sweet story about that later on in the post…)

The choice to create meaning or spin theories about EVERY LITTLE THING in your life is slowing you down and thieving your joy BIG TIME. -Tweet this!


I received one of the most important thank you notes of my life this week. It was from a woman who attended an Untame Yourself Retreat Weekend last summer.

Before I share her side of the story, I’ll share mine. The entire weekend I was sensing this person not having a great experience and I was feeling badly about it. She even got sick during the event. In spite of feeling badly because I obviously want people to have good experiences when they work with me, what I am committed to above all else is allowing others to have their own experiences. There were four other women there, too, and I didn’t want to just react to the one that didn’t seem to be having the best time, so I allowed it all to unfold.

11 months later I receive her thank you note in which she shared that she came with the EXPECTATION of having some profound and immediate healing, shifts and breakthroughs. When that wasn’t her experience she felt disappointed and underwhelmed. And then she shared this,

“I’m glad I was disappointed and I would gladly do it all over again! The fact is that weekend has been a smoldering ember of awareness and awakening over the last several months. If my mind had been blown, I know I would have been trying to recapture that – to get back to that place and feeling. Instead, the slow, steady burn is resulting in a real, visceral change – and for that I am eternally grateful!”

Interesting, right?

We were both kind of attached to the IMMEDIATE understanding and impact of the experience when really, it needed the natural medicine of TIME to be effectively seen, felt, and known.

Another cool part of her story is that one of the reasons she came to the event is that she was getting sick a lot, even needing to be hospitalized sometimes, and she knew the reason wasn’t just medical. There was mental, emotional and relational stuff impacting her health, too. At the end of her note she also shared that she hasn’t been sick since that day at the retreat – at which point I cried all over her gorgeous thank you note.

So this is what’s possible when you stop asking how, when you stop asking why, and allow yourself to engage with life intentionally, with faith, and with commitment to getting the results you want.

And to the woman who’s story this is, if you’re reading this – YOU ARE A BADASS!!! So proud of you and appreciative of your powerful share. Thank YOU 🙂

Two Questions That Are Destroying Your Life, Your Service, and Your Results (So Stop Asking Them!)