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There’s a crass saying about break ups that, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” That’s certainly one way to go (and I can’t say I haven’t tried it in the past!), but the route I chose after my most recent one was to zoom in on the experience and really look at how I co-created all the parts that made it not a good fit. It’s humbling work, not always pleasant, but so worthwhile for the long term and today’s guest has played a pivotal role in the process with me. Terri Cole is a fierce and loving friend, brilliant therapist and coach, and someone with an abundance of wisdom and experience to share. She is super grounded as her new tagline, “It’s not magic, it’s psychology” indicates, and we dove deep into really important topics smart, highly driven and achievement oriented women (and men) should all be aware of in relationships. From our subconscious drivers and downloaded relationship blueprints to high-functioning co-dependency and gas lighting, this conversation is a big one. Listen more than once and pay attention for the parts that make you want to shut it off because they hit so close to home. We’ll be doing a follow up webinar on Jan 11 to go even deeper and take Q+A, too. The link to register for that call as well as some extra resources Terri provided are all in the show notes. Enjoy!
About Terri Cole:
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and expert at turning Fear into Freedom. She hosts the popular podcast Hello Freedom and she’s the creator of Real Love Revolution.
In this episode, Terri shares:
1. Unraveling control and manipulation in relationships
2. Understanding gas lighting, transference and secondary gain so you can spot them from now on
3. Looking at why we attract less than optimal romantic partners so we can stop doing it
4. Quitting co-dependency
What You’ll Hear:
3:45 Why we choose certain people as our partners
9:21 Covert manipulation and co-dependency within relationships + making different choices
16:03 The three questions you can ask yourself to gain insight into your relationships
19:45 Understanding the secondary gain of staying stuck + moving into the role of an observer
28:55 Gas lighting and more subtle forms of manipulation
41:57 Co-dependency and high functioning co-dependency
Click here to watch/listen or scroll upward to listen only:
Resources:
Real Love Revolution Webinar
Real Love Revolution Course
The Dance of Anger
The Dance of Intimacy
The Dance of Deception by Harriet Lerner
You May Also Like:
Terri Cole On Partnership And Healthy Treatment Of Big Hot Emotions
Ali Shanti On How To Be A Free Range Adult
Amy Porterfield On Social Media, Entrepreneurship And Navigating Complicated Relationships
Get your copy of the Untame Yourself book on Amazon!
How was this episode for you?
Was this episode helpful for you today? I’d love to know what quote or lesson touched your soul. Let me know in the comments below!
Elizabeth, this episode has been INCREDIBLY useful. Pattern-revealing, loving, authentic and just sooo juicy. Have forwarded it to a bunch of women who need it. Keep doing your thing transition team! <3
thank you so much for sharing!! xo
I love the rawness and the discussion in this and am so grateful to you for being so real and vulnerable and showing up. So many a-ha moments as I listened, thank you.
oh I’m so happy to hear it was useful for you Julia!
Definitely join us on the webinar next week too (or tune in for the recording) you can register here https://untameyourself.com/reallove-webinar
SO many ah-ha moments for me. I need to listen to this podcast at least 3 more times. Once again, you’ve opened my eyes to recognizing patterns in not only my behavior, but friends/family and relationships too.
Thank you!
so glad to hear it Sarah! Hope you’ll join us on the webinar too, we’ll go even deeper and get into more specifics and nitty gritty ways to navigate this stuff! xo
I signed up! I’m looking forward to it!!! <3
Wow I loved this and I feel so represented by this! And the webinar sounds amazing, but I will not be able to join live, as I am at work. Please please tell me there is going to be a replay? Thank you!
Love this so much! Thank you! Did you say there was a FB group for Terri?
this was so helpful! thank you
How do I find the webinar?
Holy crap, 6 yr old me just got shaken baby syndrome. Cracked open. I would love to see that webinar if it is available somewhere. Thank you for the work you do!