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There’s a crass saying about break ups that, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” That’s certainly one way to go (and I can’t say I haven’t tried it in the past!), but the route I chose after my most recent one was to zoom in on the experience and really look at how I co-created all the parts that made it not a good fit. It’s humbling work, not always pleasant, but so worthwhile for the long term and today’s guest has played a pivotal role in the process with me. Terri Cole is a fierce and loving friend, brilliant therapist and coach, and someone with an abundance of wisdom and experience to share. She is super grounded as her new tagline, “It’s not magic, it’s psychology” indicates, and we dove deep into really important topics smart, highly driven and achievement oriented women (and men) should all be aware of in relationships. From our subconscious drivers and downloaded relationship blueprints to high-functioning co-dependency and gas lighting, this conversation is a big one. Listen more than once and pay attention for the parts that make you want to shut it off because they hit so close to home. We’ll be doing a follow up webinar on Jan 11 to go even deeper and take Q+A, too. The link to register for that call as well as some extra resources Terri provided are all in the show notes. Enjoy!

About Terri Cole:

Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and expert at turning Fear into Freedom. She hosts the popular podcast Hello Freedom and she’s the creator of Real Love Revolution.
In this episode, Terri shares:

1. Unraveling control and manipulation in relationships
2. Understanding gas lighting, transference and secondary gain so you can spot them from now on
3. Looking at why we attract less than optimal romantic partners so we can stop doing it
4. Quitting co-dependency

What You’ll Hear:

3:45 Why we choose certain people as our partners
9:21 Covert manipulation and co-dependency within relationships + making different choices
16:03 The three questions you can ask yourself to gain insight into your relationships
19:45 Understanding the secondary gain of staying stuck + moving into the role of an observer
28:55 Gas lighting and more subtle forms of manipulation
41:57 Co-dependency and high functioning co-dependency

Click here to watch/listen or scroll upward to listen only:

Real Love Revolution Webinar
Real Love Revolution Course
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner
The Dance of Deception by Harriet Lerner

You May Also Like:
Terri Cole On Partnership And Healthy Treatment Of Big Hot Emotions
Ali Shanti On How To Be A Free Range Adult
Amy Porterfield On Social Media, Entrepreneurship And Navigating Complicated Relationships

Get your copy of the Untame Yourself book on Amazon!

How was this episode for you?
Was this episode helpful for you today? I’d love to know what quote or lesson touched your soul. Let me know in the comments below!