To close out this season of the Embodied Podcast, I’m coming to you solo and exploring the power of feeling and dealing with your emotions. I like to think of it as going out on an emotional LIM: literacy, intelligence, and maturity. It’s so important to go back to the fundamentals and dig into what processing your feelings actually means. 

If you’re engaged with life in a growth-oriented way, this work is invaluable and timeless. Regardless of how enlightened or energetically-aligned you are, life has a way of throwing new challenges and tests at you everyday.

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Join us back here on January 16th for a new season where we’ll be diving into more healing, joy, and liberation.

In episode 410 of the Embodied Podcast we discuss::

  • [3:39] The difference between feeling and dealing.  
  • [8:49] Practicing emotional literacy, intelligence, and maturity.  
  • [12:35] Tuning into how your signals and triggers change over time, especially as you engage in more healing work. 
  • [18:02] Why I think the feeling and dealing work is beneficial for everyone
  • [23:50] Quieting the inner critic to make space for more compassion and understanding
  • [27:13] Feeling this undercurrent of fatigue and the need for rest during this season.

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Don’t miss an episode of The Embodied Podcast.

Quotes from this Week’s Episode of the Embodied Podcast: 

  • There’s not a person on the planet who can’t benefit from having better emotional literacy, maturity, and intelligence, and better tools and practices for processing everything you feel. 
  • Positive doesn’t just mean good. It’s a positive thing when you can be faced with something that used to make you spiral negatively, or get depressed or get anxious or have a big nervous system response or reaction. Being able to face those same things and responding differently is massive progress.
  • You can’t work out your physical body and not expect emotional things to come out as you do that, because movement is one of the most incredible ways to process, heal, and to do trauma work.
  • One of the things that I really love about the feeling and dealing work is that regardless of the context, it brings you into the roots of what’s going on with you so that you can really move forward and navigate the things that come up and get in your way.

How was this episode for you?

Was this episode helpful for you today? I’d love to know what quote or lesson touched your soul. Let me know in the comments below OR share the episode on Instagram, tag me your stories @elizabethdialto, or send me a DM!

About the Embodied Podcast with Elizabeth DiAlto

Since 2013 I’ve been developing a body of work that helps women embody self-love, healing, and wholeness. We do this by focusing on the four levels of consciousness – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

In practical terms, this looks like exploring tools and practices to help you tune into the deep wisdom of the body and the knowing of the heart, which I believe are gateways to our souls. Then we cultivate a new relationship with our minds that allows the mind to serve this wisdom and knowledge and soul connection, rather than override it, which is what many of us were taught.

If you’ve been doing self-help or spiritual development work for a while, these are the types of foundational things that often people overlook in pursuit of fancier concepts that often aren’t practical or sustainable. Here, we will focus on building these strong foundations so you can honestly and thoroughly embody self-love. If you’re feeling it, subscribe to the show, and leave us a review wherever you listen from. You can also keep up with show updates and community discussions on Instagram here.

Transcript for Episode 410 “How To Deal With Your Feelings“:

Elizabeth DiAlto  00:00

Until you’re able to suss out what’s yours and what’s not, until you’re able to really get into some good energetic and emotional hygiene, so that you could be clearing out your system and your field on a regular basis. It’s just going to be hard. It’s going to be hard and people waste so much time getting hooked into stuff that again, if they were going out on a limb, remember my acronym li M, with emotional literacy, intelligence and maturity, those things save so much time.

Elizabeth DiAlto  00:44

Hello, everybody, welcome to episode number 410 of the embody podcast with Elizabeth D alto, if you’re listening here in real time on December 5, this is also our last podcast episode of 2022. Those of you who are longtime listeners know we always take a winter break and a summer break. So we will be back after this episode on January 16 2023. So before we dive in today, I just want to wish everyone an amazing rest of 2022. And I hope you have an incredible holiday season, whatever it is that you do or don’t celebrate. And however it is that you’re doing and feeling this year, we’re gonna get into in today’s episode, How To Deal With your feelings, and especially your big feelings, especially for my empathic folks, my sensitive folks, my big feelers, those who are energetically sensitive, very intuitive, who pick up on a lot going on in the world around them, the environments around them. And within the relationships and the people that you interact with on a daily basis. I know what it’s like you know, to sometimes walk into a crowded place and be like ah, overstimulated too much stuff going on. In fact, earlier this year, discovering that I am an extroverted HSP was pretty life changing. If you’re not familiar with the term HSP. It stands for highly sensitive person. And often that gets associated with being an introvert, which has been very confusing for me over the years, and I’ve had people in my life, try to convince me that I’m an introvert. And I’m really not, although I do have some hermit tendencies as a six, two profile and human design.

Elizabeth DiAlto  02:28

But anyway, before we dive all the way in with how to deal with your feelings today, I want to remind you all that the embodying our way to liberation free course is still available through December 12, you can get the details for that at untamed forward slash free dash course. And the last part of that course that’s happening this week is a workshop on December 8, called feeling and dealing 2.0. And the reason for that is around three years ago, right now in December of 2019, without knowing that a panini, a pandemic was coming, and all of our lives would be forever changed. I ran a workshop called feeling and dealing. And it’s been one of the community favorites. In some of my courses, it was a bonus for the power 2020 course, it’s also part of the wild soul sacred body community membership, which is also now open for enrollment. By the way, if you go to untamed, forward slash membership, you could check out the details for that. But this is a really big and this is really important.

Elizabeth DiAlto  03:39

Today we’re going to talk about things like the relationship and how important emotional literacy, emotional maturity and emotional intelligence are. And as well, we’ll talk about, you know, me, I love my frameworks. Some of you might be new, or you might not know that about me, but the difference between feeling and dealing, right, feeling has to do with knowing what you’re feeling. And the word feeling gets used to describe a lot of different things, our sensations, our emotions, our temperature, our feelings, states, like feeling is a very broad stroke, kind of all encompassing word, which is one of the reasons for this podcast episode. And one of the reasons for the feeling and dealing workshop, because often we’ll hear people use this phrase, which has been around for many years now, feeling all the feels, and I understand it’s like a cute and catchy thing to say however, it’s not particularly helpful when knowing what you’re actually feeling when getting presence and awareness and consciousness around. What is your body’s unique language of the senses, right? I’ve been teaching about this for years, and calling it the embody language since 2017. All of our bodies are kind constantly communicating with us. There’s wisdom, there’s Intel, there’s information. There’s intuition coming through the body, constantly. The body is kind of like the tuning fork letting us know, you know what’s going on, what are we picking up on, and especially if you’re a sensitive person or an empathic person, if you’re someone who works a lot with your intuition, you do healing work, you engage with a lot of people, it’s really important to be always refining your awareness around what’s yours and what’s not. Things like what’s fear? What’s intuition? How do you even sense your intuition. And it’s always worth revisiting, you know, even me, I’ve been doing my own work around this for well over a decade, and guiding and helping and mentoring and doing healing work with others for about 10 years now, as well. And to go back to the basics, even for me, you know, a person who has done so many trainings, and has so much like 1000s, and 1000s, and hours of experience, to revisit the basics, to go back to the fundamentals, to make sure that I’m doing my own energetic hygiene, following my own frameworks that I teach people was really important, right? So we are constantly connecting him with our feelings, and all the different aspects of what feeling actually means and actually is. And then there’s the dealing part, how do you deal with all your feelings? How do you process them? How do you transmute them? How do you recalibrate, integrate, and implement, you know, the energy in the information, the intelligence, the emotions, all that stuff that’s constantly happening? You know, for some people, it’s so much, it really overloads the nervous system, it could put you into freeze, it could put you into fight or flight. This is also in a lot of ways about helping you reduce your reactivity, and increase your ability to respond in an emotionally mature and intelligent ways. Ways that are going to really help you connect with people deepen relationships, that you want to deepen, or set boundaries and relationships that are challenging or circumstances, situations or experience or environments or contexts that are challenging for you.

Elizabeth DiAlto  07:24

 So feeling and dealing is absolutely critical, absolutely crucial to navigating, you know, being a person who feels things, which is everyone you know, some of you listening might be aware of your sensitivity, some of you might not be, and some of you just might not be as sensitive, which is totally fine. But there’s not a person on the planet who can’t benefit from having better emotional literacy, maturity and intelligence, and better tools and go to practices for, you know, again, dealing, processing, being with everything you feel all of your freaking feelings.

Elizabeth DiAlto  08:02

And so many years ago, I think it was 2018 or 2019, I created an embodiment Bible was like a 26 or 30, page, PDF, kind of laying out the foundations of some really core things in how we do embodiment work, and we work with feelings, and emotions, and sensations and energy, the things we pick up constantly around us. And from that embodiment Bible. I gave four practices, softening, observing, feeling and naming. And these things really help with again, those three things.

Elizabeth DiAlto  08:49

I call this now going out on a LIM, literacy, intelligence, maturity, when we go out on a limb with our emotions, we are practicing emotional literacy, emotional intelligence, and emotional maturity, which is so important in the feeling and dealing 2.0 workshop coming up on December 8, I’m going to really dive into what all of these things mean. What’s really the difference is how do you soften like in your body, in your nervous system, in your awareness in your presence? How do you soften so that you can even notice what you’re feeling? And you can even discern between what is yours and what’s not. Softening is the first step that allows us to be more observant, that allows us to bring more awareness, which helps us to apply our literacy, intelligence and maturity, especially around emotions. And then there’s the actual feeling like letting yourself feel and this might sound like something very intangible. How do I actually feel? But for those of you who have trouble letting yourself feel your feelings This is so big. And this is so important to be able to have practices to help you feel whatever it is you’re feeling. Because I know sometimes there’s just free floating feelings. And listen, not everything has to be processed. But to be able to know what you’re feeling and to discern what needs your attention and what doesn’t. What might need to be put on a shelf in a practice that I like to call Healthy compartmentalization. Right, because we all have very full lives, we can’t just stuff our feelings all the time, when they’re coming up at inconvenient moments. But sometimes they do come up in inconvenient moments, and we really can’t process them, face them, focus on them, give them the time, energy, attention, compassion, love and grace that they deserve. You know, because we might be in the middle of something. And especially those of you who carry around grief or sadness, or who experience anxiety and depression, you know, those things don’t give a shit about what you’re up to, in the moment when they decide to drop in on you. So as a person who might have any of those things, how do you deal with when anxiety or stress dwells upon you at an inconvenient time? How do you deal with overwhelm in a moment when you might need to be focusing on something? for those of you that are caretakers or have families, or run businesses or work in teams and have obligations and responsibilities, maybe you’re active in a church or an organization or some other community group or something, you got to be able to deal with things, filter things out, focus on what actually need your time, energy and attention, learn what can just be let go. Right. And this isn’t about bypassing anything, but some things actually don’t need to be processed. Some things don’t need to be delved into picked apart and analyzed. So the feeling and dealing work is really about all of these things, right?

Elizabeth DiAlto  12:04

I mean, you’re probably seeing or feeling or sensing all the different things that weave together, when it comes to feeling, having feelings, allowing yourself to feel what you really feel, being honest with yourself about your feelings, and getting any information that you might need, about what to do with those feelings. There’s so much wisdom in our feelings or sensations or feeling states in our emotions. And again, it’s important to know the difference between those things. And to also be attuned to noticing over the course of your life, how the different you know, signs and signals and things like that, that your body feeds, you might change over time, especially as you heal. Anyone who’s doing any nervous system, or trauma healing work, your signals will change over time, something that used to trigger you into some kind of nervous system response, eventually won’t anymore, which is pretty cool. And now given the right circumstances, which is something I always say anyone can relapse into an old response or reaction or whatever. But eventually over time, and that’s the goal of this work around feeling and dealing, you will just increase your capacity for being unbothered for being on triggerable, it’ll just be low, the occurrence of those things will just be so much less frequent in your life. And you’ll have space for so many more experiences, different types, more positive, more nourishing. And again, positive doesn’t just mean good, right? It’s a positive thing when you can be faced with something that used to make you spiral negatively, or get depressed or get anxious or have a big nervous system response or reaction. And to be able to face those same things and respond differently is massive progress. That’s why we do healing work, right. That’s why we even bother, so we can have better experiences.

Elizabeth DiAlto  14:09

So I’m excited to go deeper in the workshop. I was mentioning, softening, observing, feeling. And I want to come back to feeling again, because so many people are just blocked or stunted or just don’t have the skills, the tools, the practice, or really the emotional availability or the energy even to feel what they feel. A lot of people are very afraid of their feelings. I can’t even count for you. How many clients have shared this with me over the years, even before I started doing deeper healing and embodiment work back when I was a personal trainer. I remember because being tapped into the mind body connection, and the spiritual connection has always been important to me. And I would observe that stuff and my clients because listen, it’s all connected, right? You can’t work out your physical body and not expect emotional things to come out up as you do that, because movement is one of the most incredible ways to process and to heal and to do trauma work. no. And so stuff comes up if you’ve ever like been in a yoga class in a certain stretch, and you just start crying and you’re like, What the hell is going on? That’s the intelligence of the body. That’s the Mind Body, soul, spirit, heart connection, it’s all connected. And so really being able to suss out what’s what is what feeling and dealing is all about. So if you’re listening to this, again, in real time, and you’d like to dive into this feeling and dealing work, you can come to the workshop for free on Thursday. So go to untamed, forward slash, feeling dash and dash dealing, if you want to sign up for that. And if you have missed, when that workshop is available, members of the wild soul sacred body community get access to that recording for the duration of their membership. So that’s another way that you can check that out. And again, I mentioned that link earlier, it’s untamed,, forward slash membership.

Elizabeth DiAlto  16:06

So if you are any kind of rebellious person, if you identify, you know, we call it being a wild soul here in my world, being a mystic, again, intuitive, sensitive, a big feeling person, if you’re someone who is about collective healing, joy and liberation, if you’re someone who’s into disrupting and dismantling systems of oppression, if you’re someone who’s into, you know, liberation work, this is some of the biggest stuff there is around liberation work. You know, there’s so many important bodies of work out there that do diversity, equity and inclusion work, they do anti racism, decolonization work re indigenization, there’s so many beautiful and really important bodies of work out there. And something I will just never stop banging the drum of is, and even for those of you who are entrepreneurs, those of you who pay big money for marketing, or business or sales coaches and stuff like that, for many years, I did business mentorship, I don’t really do that anymore, outside of my own sacred embodiment, specialist training. But I used to do a lot of business mentorship, and what I would ultimately end up working on with people more than like any business strategy would be their personal stuff would be the fucking feelings, right? feelings of unworthiness, feeling confused. And listen, confusion and stuckness. Were feeling blocked or common feelings that people do not know how to deal with that people don’t have like frameworks, processes and systems to deal with when they come up. And instead, people get all up in their head. They have all these kinds of their own personal narratives, often rooted in past experiences, or failures or tough situations that they still judge themselves based upon. And so what are the other things that I really love about the feeling and dealing work is that regardless of the context, it brings you into the roots of what’s going on with you, so that you can really move forward and move through and navigate, you know, the things that come up that get in your way, because that’s part of it, right? Anything worth doing anything that’s like aligned for you, is always going to have challenges because that’s you grow as you go. This is how life works. If you’re engaged with life in a growth oriented way in which if you’re listening to this podcast, clearly, you’re into healing, growth and transformation. So how do we decondition all the old programming, right? Anything unloving, anything that makes us feel unworthy or undeserving, or anything like that, we got to deal with our frickin feelings. So again, I just get so excited about this because self sabotage is another big thing. Imposter complex is another big thing that so many people deal with in different areas and categories and context of their lives, whether it’s professional, personal, in relationships, romantic or in working relationships, or finding proper support are dealing with health things, having to deal with the health system having to deal with the education system. If you’re a parent and you have to interact with other parents are dealing with child care, or your kids teachers or other relatives or CO parents like no one I just laughing because this touches everything. It touches everything. And so often, people are so distracted, being up in their heads about shit, and trying to strategize when really you just need to feel into stuff. You need to be able to get clear about how you feel clear about what you want. clear about your honest desires and intentions. And until you’re able to suss To out what’s yours and what’s not, until you’re able to really get into some good energetic and emotional hygiene, so that you could be clearing out your system and your field on a regular basis, it’s just going to be hard, it’s going to be hard and people waste so much time getting hooked into stuff that again, if they were going out on a limb, remember my acronym li M, with emotional literacy, intelligence and maturity, those things save so much time, they save us so much time, because they help us to mind our business, they help us to stay in our lanes, and they help us to unhook with so much ease from distractions, from things that used to like hook us in and take us under distract us for months, days, years, at a time even write stories and narratives other people’s stuff codependency, these habits, these patterns that we get to unlearn. And feeling and dealing just holds a lot of really core foundational, timeless tools and practices, strategies and frameworks for being able to do that. And when I say timeless, I mean because it doesn’t matter how far along on your healing or evolutionary or growth journey you are, you’re always going to have stuff to feel through to feel into, like no one gets to a point, right? There’s no guru, there’s no Dalai Lama, there’s no super advanced yogi, on the planet that doesn’t have to deal with some shit. Every now and then. And most of us are not at that level anyway. So we have more, we have more discussed or we have more to deal with those of us who have challenging family relationships, or who are dealing with addictions or people in our lives who have addictions, or, you know, disorders, or dysfunction, or diseases or conditions or chronic anything. All of those things stir up and drum up feelings that we have to be able to deal with. If we want to be able to move through life, not just being productive, but being genuine, being authentic, being who we really are. I love the word being unobstructed, uninhibited, unapologetic, untamed, all these things that you know, we talk about year in and year out. But it really comes to integrity and honesty, which is such beautiful things to aim for. They’re so self honoring and respecting and loving, to be honest with yourself, and to have integrity, which again means minding your business, which again means doing what’s yours to do. I think I shared this on another podcast episode recently, a friend of mine was traveling and she was in Berlin. And in a bathroom stall she saw written do yours. So rather than the popular saying do you, which implies just like focusing on yourself and being super self centered and being all about yourself, do yours is about do what’s yours to do. And this is a beautiful thing, because I firmly believe that those of us who are here on healing growth, spiritual transformational paths, were like this transition team. We are like this fabric, weaving the world that we want to live in into being across the planet. You know, we’re all connected in that way. We all have that, that shared goal, vision and purpose. And we’re all here to contribute to it in our own way. And so when I hear do yours, that’s what I think about. So the feeling and dealing work is about setting you up to do yours without a lot of stuff getting in your way. And if you’re listening, just give yourself a moment. 

Elizabeth DiAlto  23:50

Feel into your body, like take a breath. And imagine feeling clearer more often than you don’t stuckness and confusion, being things of the past. Imagine the ways that you sabotage yourself not really being issues for you anymore. Like maybe once in a while it’ll come up but when it does, it’s minor. You notice it, you kick it to the curb and you move on. You don’t beat yourself up, you know, harsh on yourself. Those of you who have those like me and inner bitch voices, the inner judger or what do people call it like the inner critic, the Inner Mean Girl, any of those things if you have that. Just imagine that voice getting so quiet. And being so far in the background, it becomes a thing of the past. Maybe it could spark up once in a while but the loving voice, the compassionate voice, the understanding voice, the more mature voice is the one that is more in your experience. Like if you mess up or if something bad or agitating happens. The first voice that comes through rather than beating you up you should have no and better this or that is like, Hey, girl, this is hard, you got this, you know, when people talk about talking to yourself, like you would speak to a loved one, or your best friend or a little kid, feeling and dealing gives you deeper and greater access to that voice to that energy to that orientation. So,

Elizabeth DiAlto  25:21

I wanted this to be a shorter episode, I hope I have gotten you excited about how possible it is, for all of your feelings, all of your emotions, all the this cocktail of things that you take in day in and day out in your life for these things to be super useful, trends mutable, and valuable. And in a way that doesn’t have to be so time consuming, so overwhelming, are so exhausting, right feeling and dealing is also about taking your power back, taking your life back, creating more room and capacity in your nervous system. And in your energy field. To have more choices available to you, the term that came to mind as I’m feeling into it, like I’m filling my throat and my heart opening my chest lifting. It’s just like the spaciousness, the availability for life and love and connection. And those like desired feelings to flow through, when again, we just have deeper practices and tools and awareness and strategies for navigating the big stuff in life. And the thing I’ll wrap up saying is that I’ve been noticing, and some of you might be able to relate. And in fact, I’d love to hear from you, you can email us at Hello at untamed Or you can DM me at Elizabeth C alto on Instagram, is the pandemic really started in 2020. And in a lot of ways, we’re kind of, I want to say we’re on the other side of it. We’re not on the other side of it. But what I mean is like the conditions of the pandemic, you know, we’re not all up in how it was for a lot of 2020. And a lot of 2021. Right 2022 has allowed us to begin to transition out of being in a pandemic, to now having to recover from being in a pandemic. So how do we heal, there’s a lot of feelings, there’s a lot of things to deal with. And one of the things I’ve been noticing the last few months, it feels like since the fall began, in the northern hemisphere, I guess that would be spring in the southern hemisphere is all the stuff that we kind of just sucked up to deal with. So we could like move forward and put one foot in front the other and somehow continue living our lives during a pandemic. Now, it’s kind of like the shits coming up to be dealt with. Right. So many of us, like, I’ve been really tired, the last few months, it’s interesting, because I have so much energy for so many things, but like underneath it all like has been this undercurrent of just like fatigue, for holding myself for holding space for other people like so many things. And you all have that in your own ways. And so I’m just wondering if you could relate to like, kind of bumping into that fatigue, I’m noticing going into this winter season, later on in the fall here. And again, I know in the southern hemisphere, you all are going into transitioning into summer, but I’m just noticing, again in myself and my community is online, and also my friends and loved ones, people being like, damn, I just need a break. And here’s the cool thing about feeling. And dealing a little goes a long way when you have these tools and practices that I’m gonna talk about in this workshop on December 8. And again, that you’ll be able to access after that if you’re a member of the Wyldstyle sacred body community, which you can join through December 15. By the way, we just opened enrollment for that on December 1, and it’s open until December 15. And then we’ll be closing it back up again until sometime in the spring, probably. So if you’re feeling like all this stuff is coming up to be dealt with. Again, these are important tools to have, it’s cool. And you know, cool is like a enormous understatement for how amazing it feels to be able to deal with things as they come up and not have to get pummeled by it later, when you keep putting it off, putting it off putting it off, which again, I know a lot of us did during the pandemic, because even people who were thriving, generally, a lot of people got thrust back into survival mode during the pandemic, because there was just so much there was just so much going on whether the pandemic was affecting you deeply and personally in your work and your families and your health or anything like that. And also if you’re just a person who cares about the world, and it was draining for you to watch how much shit was going so terribly. You know, these things we feel they don’t just go away when we don’t deal with them. They get stored up stuck up in the body. They create health conditions and things like this. So again, this feeling and dealing work is so valuable. And I’m real excited to share that with you.

Elizabeth DiAlto  29:55

So again, thank you so much for listening to the podcast if you’re a regular listener This is our last episode of 2022. We will be back on January 16 and 2023 kicking off a new year kicking off a new season of the show. We will continue to explore as we always do healing, joy and liberation. And that’s it. Y’all have a really happy, incredible, amazing new year or not, you know, if you’re struggling, you’re suffering you’re going through anything right now. I am sending you off the Carebear stairs for all of the best possible outcomes. And just to remind you, that you are loved, you are made of love. You have love available to you in ways that you can’t even possibly imagine. And so please don’t forget that. Happy new here.