Ep 453: Boundaries and Alchemizing Anger

So often, boundaries are misunderstood as a negative form of control rather than a structure that invites self-awareness, establishes healthy relationships, and highlights our true passions. In today’s episode, we dive into the significance of anger as a source of information that reveals our boundaries, needs, and the necessary steps in our healing journey.

Plus, we explore The Warrior Goddess archetype and how it can help us alchemize our anger to fuel transformative action towards what truly needs to be defended or protected. By facing uncomfortable truths and taking action for the things we care about, we can learn from the wisdom of The Warrior Goddess and better ourselves in the process.

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In episode 453 of the Embodied Podcast we discuss:

(3:31) Why we cannot avoid negative realities or evade the truth within our spiritual communities
(8:55) How to address systems of oppression in communities and focus on collective liberation over individual comfort
(11:22) The Warrior Goddess archetype in the context of the Wild Soul Archetypes
(15:58) Recognizing and addressing your anger to reveal your boundaries and purpose
(20:28) A prayer for using words wisely, acknowledging their power, and protecting your energy

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Quotes from this Week’s Episode of the Embodied Podcast:

Don’t be afraid of your anger. Let it inform you and let it become fuel. Convert that combustible energy into something useful and catalyze both solutions and connection.

Sometimes we have to drink the poison so we can find the antidote

What enables us to not be so angry or resentful is the satisfaction of knowing that we stood up for ourselves and we spoke for what is right or true or most liberatory.

Alchemizing anger is about using your anger, getting information from it, converting it into something useful and something creative, or taking action that can improve a situation or take care of you or others.

How was this episode for you?

Was this episode helpful for you today? I’d love to know what quote or lesson touched your soul. Let me know in the comments below OR share the episode on Instagram, tag me your stories @elizabethdialto, or send me a DM!

About the Embodied Podcast with Elizabeth DiAlto

Since 2013 I’ve been developing a body of work that helps women embody self-love, healing, and wholeness. We do this by focusing on the four levels of consciousness – physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.

In practical terms, this looks like exploring tools and practices to help you tune into the deep wisdom of the body and the knowing of the heart, which I believe are gateways to our souls. Then we cultivate a new relationship with our minds that allows the mind to serve this wisdom and knowledge and soul connection, rather than override it, which is what many of us were taught.

If you’ve been doing self-help or spiritual development work for a while, these are the types of foundational things that often people overlook in pursuit of fancier concepts that often aren’t practical or sustainable. Here, we will focus on building these strong foundations so you can honestly and thoroughly embody self-love. If you’re feeling it, subscribe to the show, and leave us a review wherever you listen from. You can also keep up with show updates and community discussions on Instagram here.

Transcript for Episode 453 “Boundaries and Alchemizing Anger“:

Elizabeth DiAlto 00:21

What’s up everybody? Welcome to episode number 453 of The Embodied Podcast. I am your host, Elizabeth DiAlto. And as you can hear from my voice, I’m a little under the weather today. So I’m not going to add as substantial of an intro to the sermon that I usually do. But it did just want to say a couple of things about our topic today. Before I do that, I did want to mention my new one on one offerings, which are called route work are available at untamed yourself.com forward slash route dash work. And as well, our new membership, which is called relief is coming up in just about a week or so and you can get on that interest list at untamed yourself.com forward slash interest dash relief. So today’s podcast is about boundaries and alkalizing anger. And something that I always like to clarify for people when it comes to boundaries, because people have a hard time with boundaries on all ends, right people have a hard time setting boundaries, maintaining boundaries. And often people have a hard time being on the receiving end of boundaries, especially if they’re really not good at or they don’t have a great understanding of boundaries themselves. And so some people will experience boundaries as if you’re trying to control them. But boundaries aren’t controlled. They’re just structure, people who want to be able to do whatever they want, who feel entitled to your energy, and things like that will see boundaries as control. Because what boundaries do is invite people into self control. So for example, when you might set a boundary with someone about how to communicate with you, or what’s acceptable, or what isn’t, or what you’re available for what you’re not, they might feel like you’re trying to control their expression. But really, you’re just letting them know, like what’s okay with you and what’s not. And then it’s up to them how they want to engage with that. boundary is I think I said this during the sermon as well. But it’s always worth repeating, is that, you know, we don’t set boundaries with people, unless we’re trying to keep them in our life. So again, sometimes the people on the receiving end of boundaries, will feel like you’re being mean, or whatever. But it’s really because you care, it’s really because you want to maintain a relationship where you want to have a better relationship, that you even go ahead and set boundaries. With that I’m gonna let you get into the sermon. I hope it’s useful. I hope it’s helpful. And I’ll be back at the end of the episode to sign out.

Elizabeth DiAlto 02:43

So the first thing I wrote down, you know, sometimes throughout the course of the week, I’ll be jotting down notes for this. And sometimes I just like, make a note, but don’t follow through on it. And I have one of those. So I don’t remember why I wrote this down. But I love the sentence. So I’m gonna read it anyway, in case there’s something in it for anybody. This sentence just said, to remove the stigmas and bring light to the challenging parts of life. So there’s that. Aside from that, though, the reason I wanted to do boundaries and optimizing anger today, which correlates to the warrior goddess archetype, archetype archetype. I was thinking alchemy and archetype. And I said archetype, the warrior goddess in the wild. So archetypes is because I can’t speak for any of you. And I also, I just want to make this clear, especially for any new folks we have, or newer to me, people, even if you’re not brand new to Sunday service, but maybe you’re newer to our community. You know, when I share things, from my perspective, it’s never to convince you to see things from my perspective, right? Always put it through your own filter your own system, take what resonates ditch anything that doesn’t right. But I will say it in a way that is like very direct, and very strong and stern sometimes. But again, don’t ever let that make you feel like you have to take it in, adopt it and make it yours. Unless it does truly resonate for you. Oh, cool. I won’t speak for any of you. But for me personally, over the last few months, with everything going on in the world, something has really been dropping in and integrating in a way that I personally needed it to. But that has been building for many years. For me. It’s been really since 2017. So about seven years now, watching what’s been happening in Gaza, seeing how people have responded over time, there was the initial response, right? And I remember my first two podcasts that I recorded, that went up October 9, and then I guess, October 16. I was talking about people’s reactivity, right and especially online, and just inviting people to process whatever they needed to process. I’m never going to tell people not to feel the way they feel about things, but I will always invite people to be responsible, and be mature and be considered, and how they respond to things and to do their very best to respond, not react, right, the reactivity, it’s very, very fast, there’s no pause. And often that just adds into a collective stew of energy that is actually counter productive. It’s not useful, it’s not helpful. And listen, some people can’t control that. But if you’re here listening to this, if you’re in this community, you certainly have a level of emotional maturity, where you have access to it in ways that perhaps some other people don’t.

Elizabeth DiAlto 05:37

You know, I’ve watched, especially in spiritual communities, always, I think it’s fascinating how averse people are to negativity, as if avoidance of reality isn’t one of the most negative things people could do, isn’t extremely delusional, isn’t evasive, when it comes to the truth. And the truth is the most loving thing there is right. And in this thing that we’re watching, we’re seeing unfold before our eyes, this genocide, the truth is that it’s happening. Regardless of where you stand on things politically. Anyone that could look at this, and try to act like it’s anything other than what it is, is really in denial. I gave a TEDx talk in December, and my friend we spoke as well. And in her talk, she used this quote from JFK, that was those who make peaceful revolution impossible, will make violent revolution inevitable. And that landed for me, I mean, that that is so true, along the spectrum of all kinds of revolutions, right, from like, global things that we’re seeing occur to even in our own lives, right. Because think about in your own life, what happens when people like just push you and push you and push you, right, and you try to be kind and you try to be understanding, but then at a certain point, you just reach your limit. And sometimes that ends up in an explosion, sometimes it doesn’t, sometimes you just have to cut someone out of your life, whatever it is. But, you know, there’s many different ways of behaving violently. And if we really reflect on the violence in our lives, whether we’re the ones enacting it, or we’re the ones on the receiving end of it, or we see how things are playing out in the world. Often violence is a response to continued violence or a precedent or abuse or something that was coming at you. And so what does this have to do with boundaries and optimizing anger? We don’t look away, we’re not the look away people. We might be to take a break people, the take care of ourselves, you know, also tend to our lives, people are not the look away people. And some of you, I’m sure, like me, have had to experience in your upbringing, or choose in adulthood to go into the belly of many beasts, right to have to engage with parts of society or culture or the systems that we would rather not. But one of the things that I talk about from time to time, is how sometimes we have to drink the poison so we can find the antidote, right? Or when I go into the belly of the beast, it’s so I can figure out how to map my way out. And we don’t always do that knowingly. Sometimes we end up in a belly and we’re like, oh, how the hell did I get here?

Elizabeth DiAlto 08:27

You got to find your way out that’s happened that happened to me many times in my 20s and my 30s I’m hoping perhaps in my 40s that that way of being and learning and experiencing things, maybe that’s right, of course, maybe not. But you know, for some of you it might be corporate America for some of you it might have been a fundamentalist religion, or just like really controlling or abusive parents or people in your community or school or whatever. For me more in my 30s it was conscious spiritual communities when I was in california, online business circles, and like that, that boss babe like Girlboss culture, right? And many of these things, while they claim to be something else, are really just replicating all the systems of oppression, right? Capitalism, patriarchy, colonialism, imperialism. Some of them are reeking with misogyny. Some of these divine feminine teachers reeking with misogyny, but they’re dressed in women’s empowerment garb. Sometimes they’re wearing flower crowns are precice outfits, but it’s still that same shit with that same crap is always in there. And that’s not to say that No good can come from people participating in these things, because nothing is ever that black and white. But the truth of things is that some folks are and will likely remain more married to systems of oppression than they are to liberation for everybody. Some people will always be more committed to either their own comfort or their own, what’s the word, I’m looking for their own success, their own advancement. That’s the word I’m looking for their own advancement in the world according to their perception. I used to let that distract me a lot, especially with people I knew personally, who were behaving in those ways, who were often in some ways, speaking out of one side of their mouth about all the things they care about. And then through their actions, behaviors and choices, really demonstrating something completely different. I use a lot that just shocked me a lot. Maybe you’ve had distractions in your life, about things you really care about, too, that seems so obvious to you, and other people seem not to care, whatever they are. But what I’ve really come into as a boundary with myself, is just, I don’t fight against stuff anymore. I fight for things. And we’ll get we’ll talk about this a little more. And we talk about the warrior goddess, but not worrying about what folks who don’t align with what I care about are up to, unless it’s like in my personal space that needs to be dealt with. And instead putting my energy effort and attention towards co creating. What I know so many of us care about, has made such a big difference in my life, energetically, physically, mentally, emotionally, all the ways right, fighting for things rather than fighting against, and there is an energetic difference.

Elizabeth DiAlto 08:58

So I’m going to read to you the warrior goddess description, the warrior goddess archetype. So this is for those of you that are new here. The wild soul archetypes are sub archetypes of the overarching wild woman archetype, which you might have heard of. The warrior goddess shows us how to transmute our holy rage into powerful, transformative and revolutionary action, a dedicated agent for change. She teaches you how to use your gifts and talents effectively, through practice, skill and consistency. And in our world, we talk about Holy consistency, okay. And if you’ve never heard me talk about Holy consistency if you go to my YouTube channel, the main video on the YouTube channel is little excerpt from a holy consistency workshops, you could check that out, see what I mean by that. A dedicated agent for change. She teaches you how to use your gifts and talents effectively. If you practice skill and consistency, so that you can both stay in the fight and take care of yourself so you don’t have to burn out. She’s a champion of bold dreams and visions, aligning you with higher good and purpose, always reminding you that you are not here to play a small role in life. She’s a bringer of faith, divine order and fearless thinking. No challenge or conflict is too great for the warrior goddess. Her medicine helps you overcome internal and external battles, using weapons of words energy, prayer, focus, attention, wisdom and right action. Highly skilled strategic and discerning with her energy. She is the embodiment of fierce love, justice, courage and loyalty. She is victory personified, helping you to find the resources and cultivate the strength and capacity you need to succeed in your highest most passion filled colleagues. And so if you’re here with me live and you feel like typing into the chat box, any part of that description that stood out to you any line or anything that struck you feel free. There’s also a quiz if you go to untamed yourself.com forward slash quiz for the wild soul archetypes if you want to see which one is like most alive in you right now.

Elizabeth DiAlto 13:34

But getting back to the warrior goddess and how this connects and how this relates to a lot of folks are uncomfortable with women specifically in their warrior goddess energy. They’ll call it masculine, they’ll shame you or call you intimidating, which I know some of you can probably relate to that i That’s something I’ve gotten a lot in my life. They’ll act like you’re all kinds of things you’re not when really you’re just fierce, right? The warrior goddess is fierce. A lot of people don’t know what to do with fierce energy. And a lot of women aren’t comfortable with fierce energy, whether it’s their own fierce energy or other people’s fierce energy. And when we meet people who are that could be uncomfortable, right? That’s one of those like, asked me how I know. In my 30s One of the things I had to get really comfortable with I’ve warrior goddess has always been a primary archetype for me. Something I had to get really comfortable with is how uncomfortable I make people and also just letting people be wrong about me. And whether for you that comes in the form of like fierce warrior goddess energy or something else. Most people have to contend with this in some way. making other people uncomfortable by really embodying expressing, embracing and owning a certain aspect of who you are. So yours might not be around warrior goddess energy, but I will say this, if you never make anyone uncomfortable, you’re probably not expressing yourself as fully or truthfully as you could. And it’s not something that we go out of our way to do that. but it really is just a function of living, honestly of living truthfully. Some folks, it is not about courage or strength or fierceness. For some of you, it’s your softness, or it’s your genuine loving nature or your realness or your artistry, or anything else on the spectrum, right? Either way, rather than being upset or taking it personally, we can recognize this for what it is truth. People are uncomfortable with truth. So let’s talk about anger, and boundaries. And someone here in the comments is saying that’s a lesson I could learn how to be okay with making people uncomfortable. Because yes, I don’t live as honestly as I could be. Yeah. And listen, that’s the thing to be. That’s nothing to feel ashamed of. We don’t have to feel bad about that. We don’t have to make ourselves wrong or bad or make other people wrong or bad. It’s just something that one way or another, we’re all probably going to face it in life at some point, might as well face it proactively right? Okay.

Elizabeth DiAlto 15:58

So your anger shows you where you need boundaries. Your anger shows you where you’ve allowed things in your life that don’t work, where you’ve abandoned or rejected yourself, or put yourself in situations you don’t need to be in. And we have a lot more options and choices than we usually realize, where we don’t have options or choice and have to deal with things we’d rather not. Boundaries are what help us to not build resentment and bitterness, to the best of our ability. We can communicate with courage around our needs in those circumstances. And what enables us to not be so angry or resentful is the satisfaction of knowing that we stood up for ourselves, right that we spoke for, there’s that word again, we spoke for what is right or true or most liberatory. And what doesn’t go our way afterwards, are things that we can work to accept rather than let them eat away at us. And things don’t eat away at us the way they could, when we have done our best or done, whatever is the extent of our capacity to address it. Right, we didn’t just take it, I remember, it’s something I always say, speaking of acceptance is that acceptance is not approval, it’s just the absence of fighting or denying reality. Right? When we accept something, we just accept that it is the way it is. And then we get to choose how we’re going to engage with it from there. So alkalizing anger is about using your anger, getting information from it, and rather doing something with the energy of it, converting it into something useful, or something creative, or using it to take action that can improve a situation or take care of you or others in a way that’s needed based on whatever your anger reveals to you. So again, anger is is information, it also reveals your values. If you take a look at the things that really make you angry, you’re going to see some patterns for what you really care about what you really value. It’s also important to acknowledge, especially when speaking to women, that anger and grief or sadness are often intertwined, because a lot of people are not comfortable with either, either emotion. And so they use it to cloak the thing they’re less comfortable with, I’ll explain what I mean. So for some, it’s they’re more comfortable with anger. Anger can feel powerful. While grief or sadness feel weak. Sometimes people are really sad, but it comes out as anger. Anger is the cloak. For others, they’re really angry. And this is true for a lot of women, and people who present as depressed. They’re afraid of their anger, or they grew up in a household or an environment or a community where it wasn’t acceptable to be angry. So they just don’t know how to express it and work with it in healthy ways. Or they believe anger is negative. So they bury it, but the emotion has to come out somehow. So it comes out as being overly sad, or is being depressed. And these are all possibilities. They’re not rules. That’s not something to take this as a truth for yourself. It’s definitely something to take as an inquiry for yourself and see if there is truth for you there. So don’t be afraid of your anger, let it inform you let it become fuel, convert that combustible energy into something useful that doesn’t eat away at you, that doesn’t bleed out or strike out at people, and instead can catalyze both solutions and connection. And also, because we love divine timing and synchronicity, my favorite astrologer on Instagram, I literally saw this 10 minutes before Sunday service this morning, made a post that really relates to this and really illuminates one very beautiful point that I mentioned earlier but didn’t really dig in on, which is that all things contain their opposites. So while the warrior goddess energy is fierce, she also beckons you into softness. So let me read you the one slide from Jonathan Lewis, dense post. He wrote, may we always remember that it takes a true spiritual warrior to remain soft during hard times. May we remember that this softness that’s being asked of us is not passive. It’s not weak. This softness is fearless. It’s a softness that will require us to constantly turn toward our own suffering and the suffering in the world is turning towards is how we transform it. It’s how will transmute it. That’s how we’ll ultimately get up this mountain toward collective liberation. And we’ll get there in this lifetime. Believe.

Elizabeth DiAlto 20:28

So with that, let us pray. This is the warrior goddess prayer, Divine Mother, Goddess, use me move me and make me an instrument for your infinite courage and grace. blessed me with the courage to choose my battles wisely, and recognize when I’m creating battles out of things that aren’t worth or aren’t mine, to fight for, allow me the sight to see within myself, and it’s the depths and nuance of the world around me to identify what if anything, needs to be defended or protected, and give me the courage to walk away when disengaging or spiritual or energetic practice is truly the best weapon. Speaking of weapons, may I use my words wisely, lovingly, carefully, and with reverence for the power they hold, always and in all ways. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All right, everybody, thanks as always so much for listening. And everyone said, Well, I like to remind people if you love the podcast, please share it far and wide. Leave us reviews wherever you listen to the podcast. We always appreciate that stuff. And we’ll be back next week.